HOW CAN I HELP MY FRIEND GET THROUGH A HORRIBLE BREAKUP?

02 Nov 2017 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Love & Relationships, Uncategorized Tags: , , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

A friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend because recently she found out that actually he already has a girlfriend and has been in a very stable relationship. But whenever they met each other, he pretended so well to be single and lied to my friend that he loves her very much. Even his family helped him act out this stupid play.
Her heart is broken and this affects her work performance and life. She cries a lot and can’t fall asleep. How can I help her to deal with this terrible experience?

— Roger (Taiwan)

DEAR ROGER:

Thank you for being a caring friend. The world will be a better place when there are more people like you and less people who are busy deceiving and hurting others. Right now, the best thing you can do is just listen to her and hold space for her to grieve and to rebuild her life without this cad.

Perhaps you could help remind her of who she is by doing some things together once and a while that the two of you used to do before—whether that’s going and having coffee or shopping or cooking a good meal together. When she’s feeling more herself, perhaps you could get a small group together to do the same—cook a yummy meal together and eat it together! You can all remind her of all the people in her life who are real and true and who love her.

If things are still too difficult for her after a while (as well as too taxing on you because of course you alone cannot provide everything she might need right now), you might want to suggest she find a therapist or a counselor to help her process this deceit and to rebuild her ability to trust.

Thanks for being you, Roger!

HOW DO I MOVE ON FROM A PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP?

22 Jan 2014 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I have been through a break-up and thought I was over him. By doing a lot of meditation, plus taking care of myself, I thought I had already moved on, especially because I haven’t thought about him in a while. Then, today, I ran into him briefly while I was with someone else. The conversation was basically hi and goodbye but I felt something in my heart, something heavy, like a pain. I do not understand why I felt this way. Also, he even gave me a small gift later that day. Please help me to understand what is going on and how to move on completely from him.
—Regina (Brazil)

DEAR REGINA:

Love can be one of the most challenging issues, as well as the most rewarding. It’s very natural to feel pain about an old relationship, especially after running into an ex, as that can trigger more waves of old feelings and energies to release from the past. Validate that you could feel that heartache because it shows how much you are capable of feeling, and that’s a very beautiful thing. Also, the more you can feel (and thus have) that heartache, the more that you can feel (and have) joy, love, and more.

Seeing you with someone else may have triggered a little jealousy or regret in your ex, and him giving you a present was a way of trying to pull you back in. Receive the gift as a validation of what you had together, and keep on the path that is right for you, whatever that is.

Think about what makes you happy and focus first on creating a solid relationship with yourself and creating a life that you love. Have your energy for you. Don’t give any energy to your ex, whether that’s in the form of regretting the past, waxing nostalgic about what could have been, or resistance towards running into him. Just validate the past and what you and your ex learned from each other and let it all go to make space for something new and amazing.

Stay your beautiful and open-hearted self and enjoy the ride!

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