HOW CAN YOU DETERMINE THE RIGHT WAY TO TREAT YOUR MONEY?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

How do you determine if the way you treat your money is right? I mean, how can I judge or neutrally observe my relationship to both spending and saving my money?

I have always lived a sheltered life and only have a strict family to compare myself to as regards money. My family is frugal which funnily pushes me in the opposite direction and I overspend and don’t give a fig, even when I perhaps should.

—Curious (Canada)

 

DEAR CURIOUS:

Thanks for your awareness on your spending habits. Often when we resist something (like our family pushing us to be frugal), we can go in the opposite direction, even when it’s not in our best interest.

Perhaps you could try making a list of your top 10 priorities—health, education, career, etc. And just for a month, write down every single amount you spend and what you spent it on. Notice then whether your spending reflects your true priorities and you can choose to make adjustments accordingly.

Notice, too, as you are thinking of spending money—in what energy are you spending it? For example, are you wanting to buy something out of a feeling of wanting to self-soothe to make yourself feel better for a moment? Or are you wanting to spend money out of a feeling of lack—like you’ll miss out and never have the chance for something again if you don’t buy that thing now? Or are you making the decision to buy something from a space of awareness and empowerment where you know you have the money and choose to buy something because you know it will add to your life’s mission and priorities.

Have fun exploring this! Thanks for being curious!

WHY DON’T PEOPLE LIKE ME?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I am a 43-year-old man and I feel like I am a good person. I am honest and hard-working and I try to be very considerate of people but people just don’t seem to like me. Women don’t want to date me and my co-workers don’t invite me out with the gang but they seem to invite most of the other fellows. I read a lot of books about how to get along with people and try to do the right things but I just don’t understand what is going on. Why don’t people like me?

–FEEL LIKE GIVING UP AND LIVING IN A CAVE (United States)

DEAR CAVEMAN (BUT PLEASE DON’T BE ONE UNLESS YOU REALLY WANT TO):

Please do not go live in a cave unless you particularly wish to live in a cave for some other reason than giving up.

There are many reasons why people don’t wish to hang out with wonderful folk, whether they’re male or female.

Here are some common reasons I have noticed:

  • Sometimes people bond in “coolness,” which is actually sometimes pictures of pain or exclusion. They may not know how to relate to someone who just cares about other people and wants to get to know them.
  • Sometimes kind and well-meaning people are not aware of what they’re doing with their energy. They may mean well but sometimes they may not be aware of energetic boundaries or responses from people. Or sometimes even other energies come through them that they’re unaware of,  particularly if they tend to be ungrounded. You’ve probably seen examples of this in a person who is usually very kind but turn into someone quite different when they’re drinking or stressed.
  • Some people cannot handle someone who is authentic or someone who has energies that bring out the truth. I suspect you are one of these types of people. You may not realize it, but when you’re around, all the lies start to reveal themselves, even the lies people have been telling themselves for years. This does not always make people happy and may make them run away from you. In which case, laugh and keep shining your light until you meet other like-minded souls, which you will.
  • As far as women not wanting to date you, some women (although they may complain they want a nice guy) prefer the “bad boys.” And some people just can’t “have” a really great guy—i.e., they may feel undeserving of someone who really respects them or treats them wonderfully. You might even, if you’re friends with anyone you’ve dated in the past, ask them to have a coffee with you and give you feedback on what you can do to strengthen your dating and relationship skills.
  • Sometimes people just try too hard. Effort is actually a form of resistance, and when you try too much, it can create a barrier between you and others. Be yourself and just keep liking people and eventually you will meet people who like you back.
  • Sometimes choose a certain type that they’re not necessarily compatible with. Expand your circle of people you meet and get to know and notice what you notice.

I encourage you to start by loving yourself. Also, expand your social horizons. Join a club or something where you can meet like-minded individuals. Take initiative. Ask a few co-workers to join you for lunch one day instead of waiting to be invited to lunch. Someone with a kind heart like you is bound to make friends and meet someone. Keep the faith and know that you are made of love.

WHY DO I CHOOSE THE WRONG WOMEN?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

Why do I always choose the wrong sort of women to date? I look back on my life and notice I always walked right past really nice and beautiful women but beelined towards the ones who would wreak havoc on my life. I am a decent looking guy with a good job and pretty smart except for when it comes to picking women. When I look back, I see that all the signs were there from the beginning but I was blind to them or something. What is wrong with me?

–Disgusted (Mexico)

DEAR DISGUSTED:

There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s called being human. Ha ha. The good thing, though, is, even as a human, you don’t have to keep repeating the same patterns of the past.

We’re often drawn to those with have karma with—perhaps one of the lessons you’re learning as a spirit is learning how to make choices in relationships that are healthier for you and to learn more deeply about what love is.

The key thing is to develop awareness, which you’re already doing a good job of since you’re asking this question instead of choosing to blindly keep following the same patterns.

The next step is sitting down and meditating on why you are drawn to women who have a chaotic effect on your life. Do you feel you’re not worthy of being with someone who is nice to you (and pretty too since you mention that) and is a positive influence on your life? If so, validate your worth and your right to be with someone who is a positive influence in your life. Do you feel like being with someone who is a disruptive influence is more exciting than being with someone you can count on? If so, maybe you need to find another source of excitement in your life. Like bungee jumping or crocodile wrestling. Ha ha.  Do you choose people that are similar to a parent (or choose the opposite of a parent out of resistance to being with someone like one of your parents)? That’s fine if you want to do that but you can choose consciously. Or do you choose these women because you think you can help them or heal them in some way because you do not feel that just being and not working for love is enough in a relationship? If so, notice that instinct when you are getting to know someone and decide if that’s really what you want in a relationship.

Congratulations on opening up your awareness so you can make choices that support and honor you.

Wishing you much love.

Aside

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