WHY DO GROUPS ALWAYS BREAK UP?

20 Aug 2014 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Love & Relationships Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

Why do groups always break up? Bands, families, clubs, etc.? I keep trying to join groups but things always disintegrate for some reason or another—politics, in-fighting, boredom, I don’t know. I want to find some kind of community that can gel and stay the course.

–Loner but don’t want to be (United States)

DEAR L.B.D.W.T.B.:

That’s an excellent question. I believe it has to do with everyone’s issues being exponentially magnified when in a group. Of course, even an individual has his/her own issues that need to be addressed. When you get two people together, you have the first person’s issues, the second person’s issues, and then the issues of the joint entity that is made up of the two individuals. This becomes more and more complicated the more people are in a group, so you can only imagine although you don’t have to because, no doubt, you’ve seen a lot already without having to imagine.

It takes a lot to keep a group together. Often it is one or more key people—a social lynchpin, if you will. But it takes commitment on the part of each member of the group to stay the course even when difficult issues come up. It helps to have the group focus on a common goal (the fun of playing together if it’s a band or even a common goal such as getting to a certain level of fame or whatever). Only the most committed can stay the course. Sometimes, too, the group evolves and some members may decide they simply no longer fit, and that is okay as well.

Perhaps it is up to you now to find like-minded people and to create a space and forum to bring all of you together. Enjoy the process of building a community.

 

LOOKING FOR A PRINCESS

15 Mar 2014 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I have a hard time staying in relationships long. When I’m with someone, I get bored and I am often tempted to cheat although I haven’t ever done that. But I end up breaking things off quickly, maybe because of this. Part of me really wants to find my fairytale princess and part of me I think gave up a really long time ago.

–Prince Looking for His Princess (United States)

DEAR PRINCE:

Part of being in relationship means loving the person as they are, not just a fairytale idea of who they should be. Even princesses get skinny and shrivelly or gain weight, fart or burp, or get weary doing the laundry, kissing frogs, waving with little white gloves on, or the multitude of invisible thankless tasks expected of princesses.

True love (and intimacy) means holding space for someone with their own unique set of needs and desires in their divine perfection while loving them in their divine imperfection as they figure out the whole being a spirit in a human body thing—no easy task for any of us here on earth.

As far as getting bored and being tempted to cheat, meditate on the energy underneath these impulses. Is it because you have to start facing parts of yourself or parts of the relationship you don’t want to look at and you want to be with someone else as a way to escape looking at these issues? The issues you most want to run from in yourself or in your relationships are likely what will reward you most profoundly in the future if you really stop to delve into these energies and shift them. Do this and you might find you’ve suddenly become a king, not just a prince, and you may just find a queen to co-create a true and profound love and life together if that is what you want.

READERS: THANKS FOR JOINING ME HERE. IF YOU HAVE A QUESTION OF YOUR OWN, FEEL FREE TO WRITE IT IN THE COMMENTS SECTION OR EMAIL ME AT ASKDALIMAMA@GMAIL.COM.

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