ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER?

02 Oct 2017 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Love & Relationships, Uncategorized Tags: , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

Once a cheater, always a cheater?

—? (United States)

DEAR ?:

Sometimes but not always. If someone cheated once or a long time ago, but has been faithful since then, perhaps they will never cheat again. If, however, someone has a long history of being a serial cheater, they are very likely to cheat unless they’ve done a lot of inner work as to the cause of their cheating behavior.

Trust your gut. If you feel that they will likely cheat again and this feeling is not borne out of your own fear or distrust, perhaps it is better to let them go and be with someone you can trust completely.

Wishing you the best.

WHAT CONSTITUTES CHEATING IN A RELATIONSHIP?

10 May 2014 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

What constitutes cheating in a relationship? My girlfriend whom I’ve been dating for three years had coffee with an ex and kissed him, which I consider cheating. She thinks I am overreacting. What is your opinion?

–Not a Happy Camper (Canada)

DEAR NOT A HAPPY CAMPER:

Every couple must negotiate the rules of what is acceptable and not acceptable in their specific relationship. Did you know she was going to have coffee with her ex, or did they run into each other on the spur of the moment? Perhaps if she planned to have coffee with her ex, she should have let you know in advance. And as far as the kissing, was it a peck on the cheek, a quick kiss on the mouth, or more?

Every couple has different expectations and agreements. Some couples are even polyamorous, allowing each other to have sex with others with the consent and knowledge of their partner. But for any couple, the main issue is trust and respect.

Ideally, the couple should discuss up front what is acceptable and unacceptable and make agreements with each other accordingly and no one should ever deceive their partner or keep them in the dark.

It sounds like perhaps your girlfriend was up front with you in letting you know she kissed her ex (unless you found out some other way). That being said, if your relationship has been solid and enjoyable in most ways, think about whether you want to give up all of that because of one kiss.

This is a good opportunity for the two of you to sit down and discuss what your expectations are of each other and to set guidelines for what you each consider acceptable or unacceptable behavior, and to make agreements on how the two of you us will move forward in the future.

Perhaps this is a good opportunity to also think about where the two of us are going as a couple as well if you both wish to move forward.

Wishing both of you whatever is for your highest good.

LOOKING FOR A PRINCESS

15 Mar 2014 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I have a hard time staying in relationships long. When I’m with someone, I get bored and I am often tempted to cheat although I haven’t ever done that. But I end up breaking things off quickly, maybe because of this. Part of me really wants to find my fairytale princess and part of me I think gave up a really long time ago.

–Prince Looking for His Princess (United States)

DEAR PRINCE:

Part of being in relationship means loving the person as they are, not just a fairytale idea of who they should be. Even princesses get skinny and shrivelly or gain weight, fart or burp, or get weary doing the laundry, kissing frogs, waving with little white gloves on, or the multitude of invisible thankless tasks expected of princesses.

True love (and intimacy) means holding space for someone with their own unique set of needs and desires in their divine perfection while loving them in their divine imperfection as they figure out the whole being a spirit in a human body thing—no easy task for any of us here on earth.

As far as getting bored and being tempted to cheat, meditate on the energy underneath these impulses. Is it because you have to start facing parts of yourself or parts of the relationship you don’t want to look at and you want to be with someone else as a way to escape looking at these issues? The issues you most want to run from in yourself or in your relationships are likely what will reward you most profoundly in the future if you really stop to delve into these energies and shift them. Do this and you might find you’ve suddenly become a king, not just a prince, and you may just find a queen to co-create a true and profound love and life together if that is what you want.

READERS: THANKS FOR JOINING ME HERE. IF YOU HAVE A QUESTION OF YOUR OWN, FEEL FREE TO WRITE IT IN THE COMMENTS SECTION OR EMAIL ME AT ASKDALIMAMA@GMAIL.COM.

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