WHY DO I ALWAYS CHOOSE THE SAME TYPE OF “BAD GUY”?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

Why do I always choose the same type of “bad guy”? I do know better and I even recognize them but somehow I always ignore the good ones and go straight for the bad ones. What is wrong with me?

—Woman with Blinders On (United States)

DEAR WOMAN W.B.O.:

The fact that you’re asking this means that perhaps you’re one step closer to ditching the blinders! Notice any energies in you that make you choose a “bad guy.” Are they more exciting to you? Do you feel more special that you can secure a “bad guy”? Do you feel that, on some level, a “bad guy” is all you deserve? Are you worried that you will hurt a good guy if you are in a relationship with one, or that they will somehow be disappointed in you or by you once they get to know you? You might want to examine this through meditation and journaling and then go out into the dating world armed with your self-awareness and make conscious choices to go against past habits and to try dating some good guys. Notice what comes up in you as you’re dating a good guy. Are you wanting to sabotage the relationship? Does fear come up? The more you can be conscious of these energies, the more you can consciously make choices that are for your highest good.

Congratulations on your courage to look at these energies and to make a change in your life!

HOW DO I GO ABOUT MEDITATING?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I have just developed an interest in meditation. How should I go about pursuing that? I tried to do the exercises of grounding and running energy that you send for free but even that seems a little difficult for me. How best to start?

–Curious (United States)

DEAR CURIOUS:

Keep at the exercises I sent you, doing even 10 minutes a day or maybe 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes before you go to sleep if you can. Even if you can’t quite feel the energy yet, set your intention and just follow along with the exercise. Eventually, over time, you will develop more awareness on your meditation as your body gets accustomed to doing these meditations.

Another thing I suggest is simply to carve out time for stillness and quiet. For example, take at least 15 minutes a day of silence—no tv, no radio, no Internet, no conversation and hopefully others will leave you in peace for a little while every day. In other words, no distractions from yourself. Perhaps you can let loved ones know that every morning, you will be taking quiet time for yourself at a certain time and not to come in when you’re meditating.

You can also do your own version of walking meditation—walking in a park or a forest trail or something, but in completely silence, with no headphones or Ipod, only your thoughts. That’s a great way to start—simply taking time for just you and your thoughts. Notice what thoughts come up for you and don’t try to solve anything or fix any problems. Just notice what you notice and let the thoughts float away, just letting yourself be in the moment.

Enjoy the exploration.

LOOKING FOR A PRINCESS

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I have a hard time staying in relationships long. When I’m with someone, I get bored and I am often tempted to cheat although I haven’t ever done that. But I end up breaking things off quickly, maybe because of this. Part of me really wants to find my fairytale princess and part of me I think gave up a really long time ago.

–Prince Looking for His Princess (United States)

DEAR PRINCE:

Part of being in relationship means loving the person as they are, not just a fairytale idea of who they should be. Even princesses get skinny and shrivelly or gain weight, fart or burp, or get weary doing the laundry, kissing frogs, waving with little white gloves on, or the multitude of invisible thankless tasks expected of princesses.

True love (and intimacy) means holding space for someone with their own unique set of needs and desires in their divine perfection while loving them in their divine imperfection as they figure out the whole being a spirit in a human body thing—no easy task for any of us here on earth.

As far as getting bored and being tempted to cheat, meditate on the energy underneath these impulses. Is it because you have to start facing parts of yourself or parts of the relationship you don’t want to look at and you want to be with someone else as a way to escape looking at these issues? The issues you most want to run from in yourself or in your relationships are likely what will reward you most profoundly in the future if you really stop to delve into these energies and shift them. Do this and you might find you’ve suddenly become a king, not just a prince, and you may just find a queen to co-create a true and profound love and life together if that is what you want.

READERS: THANKS FOR JOINING ME HERE. IF YOU HAVE A QUESTION OF YOUR OWN, FEEL FREE TO WRITE IT IN THE COMMENTS SECTION OR EMAIL ME AT ASKDALIMAMA@GMAIL.COM.

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