WHY DO I GET DEPRESSED AT THE ZOO?

15 Sep 2017 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Animals, Energy Techniques

DEAR DALI MAMA:

Whenever I go to the zoo, I get really depressed. I can be having a great day and happy as a clam, and then get to the zoo, and feel awful. Why is that?

—Not Having Fun at the Zoo (United States)

DEAR N.H.F.A.T.Z.:

You’re probably very sensitive to energy. Before I learned how to protect my energy, I too would get extremely depressed at the zoo because I would pick up on the energy of the animals, many of whom were bored and depressed.

Try imagining energy roses on all sides of you and allow the roses to absorb external energy rather than having your body absorb it. When the roses get full of depressed or other energies, explode them and create fresh new roses around you. Repeat as needed.

Also, consider visiting and supporting places that treat animals well and that give them plenty of space, preferably in their natural habitat. One animal sanctuary I love if you are ever in the San Francisco Bay Area, is PreetiRang (http://www.preetirangsanctuary.org).

HOW DO I STAY FAITHFUL?

14 Sep 2017 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Uncategorized

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I sometimes fantasize about other men. I have been married to my husband for more than twenty years and he is a good man but I just feel so bored that I am almost depressed. I have been faithful but I don’t know if I want to or am capable of continuing to be faithful. I am longing for something more than this. Is this all life is? Is this all love is? Even with a good man?

—Wifey (Canada)

DEAR WIFEY:

I applaud the fact that you have been able to stay faithful to your husband for decades. The most important thing to remember is the importance of creating passion for ourselves. That means for your individual life, not just for the marriage, although of course marriages need passion as well. What do you love to do? Do you like to paint, do crafts, write, or travel? Start getting excited about your life in ways that don’t involve some other man. Once your reignite the passion in your own life, it is much easier to build and maintain the passion for your husband.

For the two of you, try switching things up—travel, take a class together on something you’ve always wanted to learn about, eat a new kind of food at a local restaurant, try some new sex positions or tantra, or go camping or take a little trip to somewhere the two of you have never been before. Yeah, it can get old when you’re with the same person for decades but it certainly doesn’t have to and it doesn’t have to stay old. Validate the beauty and the magic and miracle of creating a love and a life with the same person and experiment and see just how deeply in love the two of you can go. No matter how familiar he is to you, or how old hat he may seem, I guarantee there are things about him you will be delighted to discover and explore because no, this is not all that life and love have to offer you.

HOW DO I TELL MY PARENTS ABOUT MY SEXUALITY?

13 Sep 2017 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Love & Relationships, Sex, Uncategorized Tags: ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I am in high school and I guess I am popular but I’m a big fake. My whole life is fake. My parents are fake. My sister is fake. I’ve been into a couple of girls but mostly I’m not into girls. My parents will go ballistic if I try to tell them the truth. What can I do? I don’t want to be a big fake like my family.

—Scared Sh*tless (United States)

DEAR S.S.:

I congratulate you for your quest for living an authentic life. Many people, no matter what age, are “scared sh*tless” to be who they are in the world. Your asking this question means you have the courage and also the means to be REAL instead of fake.

No matter what your parents’ reaction is to your truth, honor yourself for being who you are and for taking steps to live your truth. This is a process and you are taking the first steps.

You might want to check out this website for some resources: https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/dating-sex/Pages/Gay-Lesbian-and-Bisexual-Teens-Facts-for-Teens-and-Their-Parents.aspx. There are many other resources online, so check those out as well.

Above all, know that you’re not alone. Many other people of all ages are on all different ranges in the spectrum of sexuality and this is just one aspect of who you are—like your hair color, your talents, your intelligence, etc. It is part of the unique recipe of what makes you the person you are. So keep getting to know who you are and celebrate all parts of your individuality and celebrate your courage to express your unique brand of authenticity in the world.

I applaud your courage and your walk of authenticity, my friend.

HOW DO I HANDLE MY GOSSIPING FRIEND?

12 Sep 2017 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Love & Relationships, Uncategorized

DEAR DALI MAMA:

One of my friends is always gossiping about our friends and I feel very uncomfortable. How should I handle this?

—Uncomfortable (United States)

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE:

First, be very careful what you say to this friend because he/she is likely to gossip about you in the same way he/she does about others.

Second, you might want to mention you don’t feel comfortable hearing gossip about your other friends. If the gossiping continues after this point, change the subject to something more positive. You might want to also consider if you really want to spend as much time with this friend.

Great awareness of your feelings in this energy. Thank you.

HOW TO BUILD TRUST IN A RELATIONSHIP ONCE THE TRUST IS BROKEN?

11 Sep 2017 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Love & Relationships, Uncategorized Tags: , ,

DEAR DALI MAMA:

How do I build trust in a relationship again after it’s been broken?

—Samba (Mali)

DEAR SAMBA:

Whether you have lost someone’s trust or whether someone has lost yours, it will take time and consistency to rebuild the trust.

If you are the one who broke someone’s trust, it is important for you to look at your part in breaking the trust and the reasons behind it. If you do not do this, you are likely to repeat similar mistakes. Next, apologize to the person and explain that you realized why you did that (and share the reason if it feels appropriate) and tell them you are working to regain their trust. Finally—and this will be a process—you will have to work consistently to prove to them you are trustworthy—you are going to have to show up and be impeccable in doing what you say you’re going to do. And then you’re going to have to do it again and again and again.

This is a wonderful journey, however, not just for them but also for you because, in regaining their trust, you are practicing becoming a more trustworthy individual, not just for them, but for yourself, and this will only make your life better in the long run.

If someone broke your trust, look at your energetic matches with them in yourself. Are there ways that you break promises to yourself? Or let yourself down in your goals towards your betterment as an individual? Are there similar ways you let others down? Next, sit down with that person and talk about how you felt and what needs to happen for you to regain trust in that person. Their reaction to this conversation will be a good clue as to whether they will work to regain your trust or not. If you feel that they are sorry and are truly going to try to make amends and gain your trust back, you can think about moving forward with them.

Keep in mind, however, that some people may give lip service but not follow through on their actions in becoming more trustworthy. Over time, you will have to decide whether you truly want this person in your life. If someone is not loyal to themselves or strong in themselves, they can not truly be loyal or trustworthy to you, much less anyone else, and this is no reflection on your worth as a person.

Thank you for bringing up this important topic, Samba.

SUNDAY SHARE: SULLY, THE MOVIE

10 Sep 2017 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Uncategorized

SUNDAY SHARE: THE MOVIE SULLY

Love the movie Sully, based on real-life hero Chesley Sullenberger. The movie stars Tom Hanks, Aaron Eckhart, and Laura Linney. Directed by Clint Eastwood and written by Todd Komarnicki and Chesley Sullenberger.

I won’t say too much about the movie so I don’t ruin the story for you, but Sully was extremely inspiring in his ability to be in his power, stay in touch with his intuition, and be proactive despite any challenges he faced.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3263904/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

WHAT DO I DO IF I THINK MY FRIEND’S BOYFRIEND IS ABUSING HER?

09 Sep 2017 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Love & Relationships, Uncategorized

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I think my friend is being abused by her boyfriend. What should I do?

—Concerned (United States)

 

DEAR CONCERNED:

Thank you for your concern. Can you talk to your friend neutrally and without judgment and try to suss out what is going on in more detail? If you can get her to talk, you can find out more about what is happening and go from there. Is there a reason you think her boyfriend is abusing her? For example, if you have seen bruises on her, ask her neutrally what happened. If your intuition is telling you something is going on, you might want to talk to someone in common who can help. Perhaps there is a school counselor or pastor or someone who can help. If not, you may need to contact her family for assistance.

Please follow up in some way with someone who has the power to help you or who can direct you to community resources. If you can’t find anyone, please email me again and I will give you some contacts if you like me know what state you are in. Your friend is lucky to have you in her life. Bless you.

HOW DO I HANDLE MY MOTHER-IN-LAW’S INAPPROPRIATE GIFTS TO MY CHILDREN?

08 Sep 2017 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Children, Family, Uncategorized

DEAR DALI MAMA:

We have two kids, one in kindergarten and the other in third grade. My husband’s mother is always giving the kids inappropriate gifts—whether it’s toy guns or DVDs with bad language or tons of violence or objectification of women. I have asked her not to give my kids those kinds of gifts but she gets offended, gives me the silent treatment, and then gives the kids those kinds of presents anyway. How do I stop this?

—Fed Up (United States)

Dear FED UP:

It sounds like there is a power struggle going on between you and your mother and you might want to remove yourself from the equation to save yourself the hassle. Have your husband talk to his mother about this and have him explain why the two of you do not want your kids to play with certain kinds of things.

If you both have already asked her to stop giving the kids those kinds of gifts and have explained why and she still insists on giving the kinds of presents she wants to give and not the kind of presents you and your husband want the kids to have, you might want to try one of two options: 1) give her a wish list of toys the kids want that you approve of, or 2) start a new tradition of gifts that the kids themselves will gift to children in need. Then at least if your mother-in-law insists on giving gifts that are not age appropriate, perhaps that rated PG or R movie can instead be gifted to an older teenager, for example. Or you could all start a tradition as a family of giving gifts to those in need from the entire family (including your mother-in-law) on birthdays and holidays rather than having your two children receive gifts.

Enjoy the opportunity to start a wonderful new family tradition.

WHY DOES MY DATE’S SISTER ALWAYS TAG ALONG?

07 Sep 2017 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Uncategorized

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I like this girl a lot and have taken her on four dates but her sister is always coming along. Why? Can I ask her to leave her sister at home?

—Three is a Crowd (Canada)

DEAR THREE:

You might want to simply ask the girl why she always brings her sister. I don’t know how old your date is, but perhaps she is responsible for babysitting her sister, or perhaps her parents might be cleverly sending along a younger chaperone. Haha. You also might want to, just in case, clarify that you are asking her on a date just in case she thinks you are inviting her out as a friend.

Perhaps one strategy would be to simply say, “I’d really like to take you on an official date, just the two of us,” and see what she says.

Best of luck, my friend.

ARE THERE ANY NON-INVASIVE WAYS TO HELP REDUCE THE SIZE OF AN ENLARGED PROSTATE?

06 Sep 2017 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Health, Uncategorized

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I always enjoy reading your latest commentary and really appreciate your thoughts on health and wellness. Over the past few years I’ve been dealing with an enlarged prostate and wondered if you have had any experience in dealing with others with the same affliction? I would love to know if there are any non-invasive ways to help reduce the size?

Cheers!

—Mr. E (United States)

DEAR MR. E.:

I recommend asking your doctor if prostate massage might be helpful in your case. It can often be a beneficial therapeutic method, except in contraindicated cases where the prostrate is too enlarged for prostate massage to be safe. You can have your partner do it for you or you can do it on yourself using a prostate massager device. See https://prostate.net/articles/prostate-massage-for-enlarged-prostate-bph for further information.

According to the Mayo Clinic, a healthy diet may also help, specifically a low-fat diet, lots of vegetables, particularly those high in vitamin C, foods high in zinc, lots of physical activity, and avoidance of excessive amounts of alcohol (http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/benign-prostatic-hyperplasia/expert-answers/enlarged-prostate-and-diet/faq-20322773).

Do check with your doctor for medical advice for your particular case, as with all health matters. Good for you for being proactive about keeping your prostate heathy, Mr. E!

WHAT CAN I DO FOR MY INSOMNIA?

05 Sep 2017 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Energy Techniques, Health, Uncategorized

DEAR DALI MAMA:

Recently I just cannot fall asleep easily. Once I fall asleep, it’s ok but the initial stage of sleep is awful recently, It takes so long to fall asleep. Is there any way to improve naturally? The troublesome condition is almost a month now.

—Sleepless in Japan

DEAR SLEEPLESS:

Have you been under stress? That can affect your ability to fall asleep. Before you go to sleep, set your intention to fall asleep easily and quickly and to get quality sleep and also create an energy bubble and put that bubble up in the sky and move all your worries into that bubble and explode the bubble.

You might also want to avoid caffeine after 3:00 p.m. in case that is affecting your sleep. In addition to obvious caffeinated things like tea or coffee, check other things you eat such as acai or chocolate or weight-loss pills and all kinds of other things may surprisingly contain caffeine, particularly if there is some food or drink or supplement you have added to your routine recently.

You may also try googling “acupressure points for insomnia,” as stimulating certain points on your hands and feet and other places can help you fall asleep.

Sweet dreams, friend!

HOW DO I HANDLE MY SADNESS AFTER CHEATING YEARS AGO?

04 Sep 2017 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Love & Relationships

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I cheated on my wife once several years ago with my co-worker on a business trip out of town and ended it after that one time but I feel really sad all the time and I really don’t want to be married any longer but I am trying to honor my vows to a wonderful woman who has been by my side for 17 years whom I am not even sure I am in love with any longer although of course I love her and she’s never been anything but good to me. How do I handle this?

—Cheater (United States)

DEAR C.:

I applaud your integrity and willingness to look at how to handle this. First of all, although you cheated once, consider not labeling yourself a cheater because that was one mistake, not who you are as a person, as evidenced by your email.

Are you still working at the same place with your co-worker you had sex with? If so, consider asking for a transfer to another branch (if your company has various locations) or looking for a different job. It would be very hard to move on if you have to still see and interact with that person every day.

Keep in mind, too, that it is easy to mourn the could-have-beens when you only interacted with that woman for one great occasion rather than having to see her in the banality of daily living with possible arguments over whose turn it is to do the dishes or the toilet seat being left up. Is there a way you can create some passion and newness with your wife? Going on a trip together or doing something new? It is easy to forget the charm and magic of a woman you have spent almost two decades with because it is easy for anyone to start to take those charms and particular brand of magic for granted when so used to them that they become part of the scenery, beautiful but almost invisible at times.

I suggest you go to counseling and also start couples’ counseling with your wife rather than quietly suffering in regret, guilt, and unfulfilled desire, as I imagine you might have been doing all these years.

After you’ve been doing therapy or counseling for at least a year or two, you can have a clearer idea of the energies in you that make you feel unfulfilled as well as what you truly need in a relationship. At that point, only you can decide what’s right for you. If you cannot love your wife the way it sounds like she deserves to be loved, perhaps it is kindest for you to let her go at that point. But without trying, you will never know if you could have had magic and passion and fun with the woman you’re already with.

Much love on your journey.

SUNDAY SHARE: HUFFINGTON POST BLOG ON CHILD-PRODIGY ARTISTS

03 Sep 2017 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Uncategorized

It’s so amazing what humans can do at any age, whether you’re four or you’re 100 years old!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/27/art-prodigies_n_1699565.html

HOW DO I DEAL WITH MY DEPRESSION OVER THE U.S. ELECTION AND NATURAL DISASTERS?

02 Sep 2017 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Animals, Uncategorized

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I have been depressed ever since our new “president” has been elected. I can’t even say or write his name and every time I see his ugly face on tv or hear his arrogant voice on the radio, I feel sick to my stomach. And now with the hurricanes and floods, sometimes I feel overwhelmed and paralyzed. What can I do?

—Depressed (United States)

DEAR D.:

You ask an excellent question: What can you do? No matter what one’s political views are, transmute your resistance and depression to action that makes this world a better place. For example, temporary foster homes in every state are needed for animals displaced by the floods and the Red Cross is looking for donations for the people there, including necessities such as diapers and tampons.

Explore how you can start by taking small steps to help. As a country, energetically, most Americans have great generosity and heart. I suspect you do as well. Show yourself and this country what truly makes America great.

Many who were similarly disgusted by the current president have mobilized, turning their outrage into positive action. For example, the president’s “pussy” comment sparked a sudden surge of many women and men stepping up to political leadership on both local and national levels.

On an energetic level, the election of the current president is a call to wake up on both a national and international level. What are the ways you were asleep and what are you going to do now?

I am looking forward to seeing what you are capable of, my friend.

HOW DOES ONE SPLIT THE BILL IN A FAIR WAY?

01 Sep 2017 Leave a comment

by askdalimama in Uncategorized

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I work for myself and am building my income. My problem is that when I go out with my friends whom I’ve always hung out with before from when I was working full-time, they always split the check by the number of people even though they order multiple drinks and appetizers and dessert and I only get an entree and maybe one drink but then they expect me to pay the same as them so I am essentially financing much of their bill. I hate to be petty but this is hard for me right now with a limited budget. How do I handle that without seeming like a jerk?

—Feeling Awkward (United States)

DEAR FEELING:

One thing you could do to be proactive is to ask for a separate check when you’re ordering and you let your friends know you’re handling financial stuff in a new way because you’re working for yourself now. Anyone who is truly your friend should understand and be fine with it.

If you feel comfortable with it, they’ll probably be fine with it. If you’re emanating awkwardness and embarrassment about it, they might pick up on it and might feel weird about it too as a reflection of what you’re feeling.

Give it a try and see how it goes. And congratulations on experimenting with new ways that work for your new life!

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