05 Jan 2018
by askdalimama
in Love & Relationships, Uncategorized
Tags: accomplishing positive goals, ego, healthy church, leading by example, mission, people politics, politics, power struggles, PTA, squabbling
DEAR DALI MAMA:
Why can’t people just get along? It seems like in every group, from the deacon’s group at church to the PTA to the government, everyone is constantly fighting. How do we change this?
—Tired of the Squabbling (United States)
DEAR T.O.T.S.:
It helps when we all focus together on the ultimate goal—whether a healthy church that helps the community and its members; the parents and teachers working together to provide a good education and a safe and nurturing environment for the students; or a strong government that truly helps the people. Sometimes it is very human to get stuck in the ego or get caught in power struggles or wanting to be right or respected or elevated and we can lose sight of what the true mission of a group is. The more we focus on the mission of any group and on working together towards that mission, the less we will get caught in energy-draining traps of fighting against other members who ideally want to work towards the same goal and the more positive goals we will accomplish.
Lead the way by example, my friend!
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04 Jan 2018
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: contribute to worthy causes, eat healthy foods, exercise, healthy foods, limiting news intake, rest, stress, uncertainty in the united states, volunteer, worry
DEAR DALI MAMA:
With all the big changes going on in the world and in the United States, what is the best way to handle all the stress and uncertainty?
—Stressed Out (U.S.A.)
DEAR S.O.:
Take especially good care of yourself and make sure that you are eating healthy foods and getting enough rest and exercise. You might also want to limit how much you read or watch the news, particularly in the evenings too close before bedtime.
If you’re particularly passionate about a cause like the environment or making sure all have access to food or healthcare, perhaps you could find a worthy organization and volunteer. That way, you’re using your energy towards contributing to making the world a better place rather than using your energy to worry about all the negative things that are happening.
Take care of yourself, my friend.
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03 Jan 2018
by askdalimama
in Love & Relationships, Uncategorized
Tags: anger, boundaries, changing your reactions, gratitude, triggering
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I am fuming at a loved one. I can’t seem to shift my anger. I’m trying to learn the lessons from the situation, which seems to repeat itself over and over again because of this person’s behaviour towards me. What do you do with anger?
—Angry (New Zealand)
DEAR A.:
There’s nothing inherently wrong with anger. Anger can be a signal where your boundaries aren’t being honored or there’s something you need to look at, even if it’s an energetic match with whatever is triggering you. For example, if someone is being disrespectful towards you or dismissive of you, are they mirroring the ways or energies in which you don’t entirely value or respect yourself?
People do unpleasant things sometimes and less-than-ideal situations will occur. You can’t always avoid that, but you can change your own reactions to their behavior.
So thank your anger for pointing out where it’s time for you to look at something more closely, then let it go and don’t get stuck in it. Then you can transform that energy into gratitude towards yourself for changing the way you handle certain situations.
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02 Jan 2018
by askdalimama
in Energy Techniques, Uncategorized
Tags: energetic habits, enjoying my own good energy, good energy, loving oneself, negativity, unconditional love, validation
DEAR DALI MAMA:
For most of my life I have been in an awful energetic state, bombarded with negativity. This thankfully changed recently but I’m used to looking for good energies/love/happiness to be provided for me from outside of myself. How do I help my mind catch up to the fact that I have A grade energy now and that I no longer need the outside “positive vibes.” How do I tap into this A grade energy to enjoy for myself?
—Confused (Norway)
DEAR C.:
Congratulations on the recent change of your energetic state. Learning to tap into your positive energy will take commitment on your part as far as strengthening the habit of enjoying this positive energy for yourself. Whenever you catch yourself looking for things outside of yourself (whether love or good energies or happiness), say hello and validate those good energies inside of yourself. Validate the love you have inside of you, validate that you are made of love, and practice loving yourself completely and unconditionally, for example.
You can change your outward behavior accordingly as well. For example, if you think you need to buy a nice outfit to look nice, take a look inside your closet and see what you already have and pull it out and experiment with a new way to enjoy it or pair it with a different pair of shoes that you already have to give it a fresh feel. Or even better, just look in the mirror and admire the beauty staring back at you!!!
Also, even as you enjoy your own positive energy, choose friends and others to be around who mirror and support that positive energy rather than people who tend to pull you down with negative habits like gossiping or putting others down. Be around people who reflect joy and light and see how much merriment and good in the world you can make together.
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01 Jan 2018
by askdalimama
in Sex, Uncategorized
Tags: energy field, energy of sex partners, Eroscillator, heartbreak, intercourse, masturbation, sex toys, sex without love, std
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I’m thinking about enjoying sex without any love involved for the first time. I’ve always said I could only have sex when I loved someone but do you think I’m capable of having sex just for enjoyment?
— Thinking (France)
DEAR THINKING:
You might be capable of it, but does that mean that you should? Only you can decide what’s right for yourself, but pay attention to the energy of people with whom you engage in sex with. When you have intercourse, and especially when you have an orgasm, your energy field is much more open to the energies of your partner—good and bad.
If you want sex for enjoyment, consider having fun with yourself or maybe exploring a new toy (love the eroscillator—see www.eroscillator.com). You can enjoy yourself and not worry about breaking someone’s heart or about getting an STD!!!
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10 Dec 2017
by askdalimama
in Sunday's Share, Uncategorized
Tags: fable, farmer and his son, zen story
https://sivers.org/horses
(I copied and pasted part below in case you can’t access it directly but his link is also available above.)
My favorite fable (塞翁失马)
2009-02-28
A farmer had only one horse. One day, his horse ran away.
His neighbors said, “I’m so sorry. This is such bad news. You must be so upset.”
The man just said, “We’ll see.”
A few days later, his horse came back with twenty wild horses following. The man and his son corralled all 21 horses.
His neighbors said, “Congratulations! This is such good news. You must be so happy!”
The man just said, “We’ll see.”
One of the wild horses kicked the man’s only son, breaking both his legs.
His neighbors said, “I’m so sorry. This is such bad news. You must be so upset.”
The man just said, “We’ll see.”
The country went to war, and every able-bodied young man was drafted to fight. The war was terrible and killed every young man, but the farmer’s son was spared, since his broken legs prevented him from being drafted.
His neighbors said, “Congratulations! This is such good news. You must be so happy!”
The man just said, “We’ll see.”
I wrote a song with this story, too.
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09 Dec 2017
by askdalimama
in Animals, Uncategorized
Tags: Animals, dogs, humane society, pets, walking
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I have a dog and I love him dearly. I consider him family and he has been with me many years—since he was 8 weeks old. However, I have a problem which I won’t go into which makes it harder and harder for me to walk him enough these days. I do as much as I can but I know it’s not enough and I feel guilty.
I think he’s depressed and it makes me worried and sad to see him sad. I want to do what’s best for my dog, despite my wanting to keep him till the end. Do you think it’s cruel of me to keep him? Would it be better to find him a new loving owner who would see to this need better? I know he would initially not like this solution, but would get used to it with time.
—Unsure (S.Africa)
DEAR U.:
Your dog is very lucky to have someone who puts his needs ahead of your own desires. Is there any way you could hire someone to walk him or do some kind of barter or trade with someone for walking services? If so, that would probably do both of you of you a world of good. If not, is there a neighbor or a friend who would walk him, at least occasionally? If enough people could walk him once or twice a week, you might be able to have his walking needs covered. You could maybe also post some flyers requesting volunteers at your local humane society if you cannot afford to hire someone.
You might also want to do some Internet research for your area—sometimes there are organizations or individuals who would love to go walking with a dog that aren’t able to commit full-time to a dog. Perhaps you could work something out with them.
I would first consider every other alternative because being with you is probably your dog’s top priority.
Best of luck, my friend.
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08 Dec 2017
by askdalimama
in Love & Relationships, Uncategorized
Tags: dancing, film, hiking, international societies, making friends, meeting people, meetup.com, moving to a new country, moving to a new place, throwing a party, writing
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I moved with my husband to a different country three years ago but I still don’t really have any friends here. I am shy and it is hard for me to meet people. Sometimes people have parties but they don’t invite me. How do I make friends?
—Lonely in a New Country (Hong Kong)
DEAR L.I.A.N.C.:
You may be lonely right now but I guarantee that you are not alone in feeling lonely and feeling like it is hard to meet people.
Perhaps you could look on Meetup.com to see if there are any local groups you’re interested in. They have all different topics—film, hiking, dancing, writing, international societies, and much more. Many cities also have local clubs that are listed in the paper. You could also perhaps reach out to the wives of your husband’s friends and extend a friendly hand.
If people have parties but don’t invite you, how about hosting a party yourself? It’s a great way to show your interest in developing friendships with people and you’d probably make someone’s day who is also feeling a little lonely and isolated.
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07 Dec 2017
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: creative powers, creativity, dread, envisioning a positive future, worse-case scenarios
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I am a bit of a worrier and can get paranoid. I build and draw up worst-case scenarios in my head and over time they start to feel real. Then I live in partial dread of a future I don’t want.
Any advice you could please give?
—In My Head (Turkey)
DEAR I.M.H.:
This is something that happens to the best of us. Haha.
The facts that the worst-case scenarios start to feel real is indicative that you’re probably a very creative person. How about you use your awesome creative powers to draw up best-case scenarios over and over until they start to feel real and see what happens.
Much love.
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06 Dec 2017
by askdalimama
in Money, Uncategorized
Tags: awareness, priorities, resistance, spending priorities
DEAR DALI MAMA:
How do you determine if the way you treat your money is right? I mean, how can I judge or neutrally observe my relationship to both spending and saving my money?
I have always lived a sheltered life and only have a strict family to compare myself to as regards money. My family is frugal which funnily pushes me in the opposite direction and I overspend and don’t give a fig, even when I perhaps should.
—Curious (Canada)
DEAR CURIOUS:
Thanks for your awareness on your spending habits. Often when we resist something (like our family pushing us to be frugal), we can go in the opposite direction, even when it’s not in our best interest.
Perhaps you could try making a list of your top 10 priorities—health, education, career, etc. And just for a month, write down every single amount you spend and what you spent it on. Notice then whether your spending reflects your true priorities and you can choose to make adjustments accordingly.
Notice, too, as you are thinking of spending money—in what energy are you spending it? For example, are you wanting to buy something out of a feeling of wanting to self-soothe to make yourself feel better for a moment? Or are you wanting to spend money out of a feeling of lack—like you’ll miss out and never have the chance for something again if you don’t buy that thing now? Or are you making the decision to buy something from a space of awareness and empowerment where you know you have the money and choose to buy something because you know it will add to your life’s mission and priorities.
Have fun exploring this! Thanks for being curious!
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05 Dec 2017
by askdalimama
in Health, Uncategorized
Tags: compensating for other needs and desires with food, eating out, gym membership, stress eating, weight
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I love going out and eating delicious food. About 2-3 times a week and usually on my own. It’s burning a hole in my pocket and I’m gaining weight. Do you think I’m substituting food for something? Is my behaviour normal? I feel guilty for wasting money like this.
–Food Mad (S.Ireland)
DEAR F.M.:
You most likely are substituting food for something. This pattern is very common, but not a terribly healthy one. Notice if you eat more when you’re stressed. Notice if you’re eating to soothe yourself and to try not to feel the stress as much. Notice too if there are other things you’re wanting that you don’t have that make you reach for more food. For example, you might be craving love and companionship, or even just sex.
Instead of focusing on spending less on going out, focus on using more of your money to invest in things that support your well-being–your health, your dreams, a gym membership, etc. And use your money towards something that will support your happiness long-term beyond the enjoyment of a restaurant meal.
Congratulations on looking at this issue. I applaud your awareness and consciousness.
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29 Nov 2017
by askdalimama
in Children, Family, Uncategorized
Tags: adoption, baby's gender, gender, gender influenced by father's genetics, genetics
DEAR DALI MAMA:
Is there any way to control whether you have a girl or a boy? Energetically speaking, that is.
—Wanting a Girl (Brazil)
DEAR W.A.G.:
A baby’s gender is generally determined by genetics, particularly the genes of the baby’s father, although there may be other contributing factors. Too bad this wasn’t known before various women in history were killed for not bearing their husbands a male heir!
However, even men who father five boys, for example, may father a girl on the sixth try.
Energetically, if you want to have a girl, one thing you could try is mocking up (visualizing as a way of manifesting) conceiving and giving birth to a healthy daughter. Keep in mind this may help but is by no means guaranteed. If you end up with a son, love the heck out of him, regardless of whether he fits the picture of what you wanted. Divine gifts come in all different packages. : )
You could also either keep trying for a girl or consider adopting one of the many beautiful girls in the world who need a safe and loving home.
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28 Nov 2017
by askdalimama
in Spirits, Uncategorized
Tags: alignment with spirit, discomfort, something's not right, spirit, things don't feel right
DEAR DALI MAMA:
What do it mean to be in alignment with one’s spirit?
—Curious (United States)
DEAR CURIOUS:
Generally speaking, living in alignment with your spirit involves doing what’s right for you on a spirit level—not what’s right for others or even what’s right for who you think you are, but what’s right for who you are as a soul. Sometimes it doesn’t always fit our pictures of who we think we ought to be or even who we think we are. But when we are not in alignment with our spirit, sometimes you may sense a discomfort or something just not quite feeling right.
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27 Nov 2017
by askdalimama
in Health, Uncategorized
Tags: athletes, athletics, cardiovascular health, dancing, weights, yoga, zumba
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I am not athletic but I come from a family of athletes—my dad is a coach and my mom was a cheerleader and my brothers and sisters are each superstars in more than one sport. I feel I was switched at birth or am experiencing some sort of cosmic joke. How do I handle this?
—Two Left Feet (United States)
DEAR T.L.F.:
Even if sports are not your forte, no doubt you have some unique gifts you can focus on and develop. Not everyone needs to be a track star or football player or cheerleader or volleyball player.
I do encourage you, however, to find something you love doing that involves moving your body and make it your own—doing it for your strength and cardiovascular health and mobility, whether that’s yoga and zumba or dancing around in your room to your favorite songs or using free weights. That will give your body the support and attention it needs with the sole purpose of honoring and maintaining your physical vessel so you can continue to do all the things you love with ease and comfort.
Good for you for following the beat of your own drums! Have fun with it!
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