SHOULD I ACQUIRE A HUSBAND?

04 Feb 2014 Leave a comment

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DEAR DALI MAMA:

I have spent my life as a single female. Mostly, I have preferred solitude. Yet, I have many friends and activities. But I am in my 50s, and as I get older I wonder if it is cognitively healthy for me to spend so much time alone. Should I consider attempting to acquire a husband? I want to do everything necessary to retain my physical vitality and cerebral longevity.”

—Wondering in Quebec (Canada)

DEAR WONDERING IN QUEBEC:

Thank you, dear soul, for making me laugh. I recommend attempting to acquire a husband ONLY if you actually want one. You are obviously a lovely and witty soul and could certainly procure one if you so choose. And someone as intelligent as you can certainly find other ways to retain your physical vitality and cerebral longevity—exercise, extramarital sex, and crossword puzzles, for example. Ha ha. And if you feel like you are spending more time in solitude than you feel is optimal for you, invite friends over for dinner more or spend more time with people.

Seriously, though, although society seems to like to encourage people (especially women) to wed, marriage is not for everyone. There are many forms of love and many forms of family, including the family we create, none of which you seem to be lacking. As you’re still relatively young, a lifetime of marriage for mental stimulation and qi building can seem very long if not for the right reasons—the reasons of your heart’s truest desires.

Wishing you much continued love, energy, and mental acuity.

HOW TO DEAL WITH ANNOYING CO-WORKER

03 Feb 2014 Leave a comment

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DEAR DALI MAMA:

I can’t stand one of my co-workers. She is so annoying. Her cubicle is next to mine and there’s no getting away from her. She goes on and on and talks to me while I’m trying to work. Now, even when she does nothing, I’m still annoyed. What am I to do?

—Annoyed in Cubicle Land, Corporate America (United States)

DEAR ANNOYED:

At some point in our lives, we all have at least one person that really annoys us. While sometimes we may want to scream and run away from them, this person can also be one of your greatest teachers.

Because one of the things that annoys you is your co-worker talking endlessly to you while you’re trying to work, perhaps you two have a soul agreement where she is giving you an opportunity to strengthen energetic boundaries and practice stating your needs clearly. So give her spirit a heartfelt thank you for the opportunity to learn this important lesson and the next time she rambles on at work,  you could say, for example, “Excuse me. I need to get back to work,” and simply turn back towards your desk. Perhaps saying this kindly but firmly will be an opportunity for her to learn to read and respect other people’s needs as well. If she doesn’t learn from this, I’m sure she will have other opportunities to learn this lesson in even clearer ways. Ha ha.

Good luck with this. Learning how to set healthy boundaries for your time and your energy will be an asset that will serve you in all areas of your life!

WHAT CAUSES ATTRACTION?

01 Feb 2014 Leave a comment

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DEAR DALI MAMA:

How come I’m attracted to some people and not others?

—C.H. (Canada)

Dear C.H.:

Attraction between people can be complex.

Sometimes we’re attracted to people because we think they have qualities we wish we had. For example, if you’re in a career you feel isn’t that creative and  don’t consider yourself creative, maybe you’re drawn to creative types. Interestingly, you probably do already have the qualities you’re attracted to inherent within you even though you may not yet recognize them in yourself or have not yet developed them in yourself.

Sometimes, too, we can be attracted to someone because we recognize them as a spirit or we just feel some kind of vibrational affinity with that person.

If you’re referring to what feels like almost uncontrollable sexual attraction, usually,  it’s almost always inevitably because there’s a lot of karma (life lessons) to work through with that person. Sometimes we’re attracted to someone because we’ve left our energy with them, perhaps from another lifetime, and you as spirit are needing to retrieve your own energy.

Get to know different people on different levels in different situations to get a feel for what kind of attraction you have. Sometimes, you may not feel any attraction to someone, but the more you get to know them as a person, the more attraction you develop for them. Sometimes those are the relationships that can be long-lasting.

Play with the attraction and notice what kind of people you’re attracted to and what kind of people are attracted to you. Have fun exploring the complex chemistry between people!

HELP! I DON’T HAVE ORGASMS WITH MY NEW BOYFRIEND

31 Jan 2014 Leave a comment

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DEAR DALI MAMA:

I have never had an orgasm with my new boyfriend. What can I do to help this?

—Isabel (Spain)

DEAR ISABEL:

There are a number of factors that may contribute to this situation. If you have never had an orgasm, write to me again and clarify and I will give you some additional recommendations. If you have been able to have an orgasm on your own and/or with past boyfriends in the recent past, then you might want to consider the following:

1) Communication is very important. Let your boyfriend know what feels good to you, both verbally and by showing him what pleases you.

2) Relax as much as possible. Maybe you could take a nice hot bath first or do some yoga or meditation so you can really be in a relaxed and open state of mind.

3) Prolong the foreplay. You might also want to incorporate some fun toys into your foreplay. Try the butterfly, the JimmyJane,  or the Eroscillator (http://www.eroscillator.com). I’ve heard good things about the Eroscillator although it does have a slightly disturbing resemblance to dental equipment. Ha ha.  You might also want to try some lube like Sylk or Astroglide.

4) Practice safe sex with condoms and whatever form of birth control your health-care provider recommends. Ease of mind translates to ease of body. There are all kinds of  fun condoms, including ribbed and other textured ones that may be fun for you as well.

5) Explore different positions, perhaps with you on top so you can set the rhythm and pace that your body needs. You might want to play with the coital alignment technique (CAT) as well, which is a very popular position that will allow full-body contact and eye contact if you wish. And even with the CAT, experiment. Even an almost imperceptible shift in positioning or angle can make a huge difference in your experience and pleasure, so play and see what you like and what is right for you and for the two of you together.

6) Notice the energetic dynamics between you and your boyfriend. In order to have an orgasm, you must let go of control energetically.  If this is difficult for you only with this boyfriend in particular and you haven’t had this issue with previous boyfriends, that could be your body telling you that it just doesn’t feel that safe with this particular person. If this is the case, notice that and think about if there is something in particular that can be addressed that makes you not feel safe with this particular man. If not, it could be that your body’s knowingness is telling you there may be some reason this isn’t really the right  match for you.

7) Be in the present moment and enjoy each part of the journey of your time with your boyfriend, from conversation to foreplay to each phase after. Enjoy each moment and each sensation for what it is. If you focus too much on an end goal of orgasm, you are in effort, and effort is a form of resistance, which will tend to push away an orgasm energetically. So just enjoy and let the orgasm unfold from within you organically. You might even want to play with just relaxing in bed together initially, with no intercourse. Play and touch each other and ask each other what feels good in a no-pressure situation, and just explore and have fun.

8) Contact your physician if you continue to have difficulties reaching an orgasm. There could be medical reasons for this, or even different prescriptions you’re taking that are affecting your body’s sexual drive and response.

The most important thing is to have fun and enjoy the exploration. Enjoy your body, enjoy the love, and enjoy your boyfriend!

FROM HEARTACHE TO HEART OPENING

29 Jan 2014 Leave a comment

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DEAR DALI MAMA:

How do I rid the pain in my chest over a lost love?

—Melie (United States)

DEAR MELIE:

Thank you for asking this question. We all experience heartache at one time or another, so your question will help many.

One thing that is happening when we feel that heartache is we’re actually experiencing a heart opening. Often, when we feel that ache in our chest, we fight it and we want that pain to go away, sometimes burying it deeper inside of ourselves where it becomes even more stuck instead of simply releasing.

Sometimes, too, we can distract ourselves from the pain, fooling ourselves into thinking we’re making the pain go away,  instead putting a temporary Band-Aid® on it. We can distract ourselves from heartache by busying ourselves with meaningless tasks, watching TV, or even directing our romantic feelings towards someone else. Although those things may make us feel better for a little while, it doesn’t help us in the long run because it’s just burying the pain deeper even if it numbs the pain for a little while.

I encourage you to really let your heart fully feel that pain for a while. If it’s hard to let yourself go there, maybe you can start by watching some sad movies and letting it all come out. Sometimes it’s easier for us to let ourselves be moved by someone else’s pain than our own. In the end, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you allow yourself to open up the floodgates and to release whatever needs to go.

When you’re strong, sometimes it’s hard to let yourself feel sad or to cry because we’ve been trained to associate crying with weakness. In reality, though, only the truly strong and courageous can let themselves be soft and vulnerable, allowing us truly access the depths of our power as a whole individual.

One more thing you can do as you’re opening up your heart space is to create even more space for your beautiful heart that feels things so intensely. Keep opening up your heart space and filling it with love for yourself, joy, peace, connection to the Divine, and whatever else you’d like.

Enjoy this process, braveheart. The extent to which you feel that pain is the extent to which you can feel joy and love, and to receive love as well. Cherish that brave and beautiful heart of yours, Melie, and let it release the old grief to make room for joy.

(Note: Readers, I’m talking about emotional pain here. If you ever experience chest pain that you even suspect is medically related, call 911 immediately!

WHEN TO SWITCH CAREERS

28 Jan 2014 Leave a comment

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DEAR DALI MAMA:

Is this a good year to switch careers and do what truly sings to my soul?

—K.G. (United States)

DEAR K.G.:

Now is always a good time to do what sings to your soul. Only you can decide, however, the best timing to make that happen. Start by looking at your finances and making a plan to build and implement your new career and gradually phase out the old career, deciding what works best for you.

If you have a family or others who depend on you financially or otherwise, talk to them to enlist their help and support. Perhaps that means enabling you to claim one room in the home just for your work or simply respecting your time and boundaries when you are in your home office.

If you want to become an artist, for example, can you reduce the hours of your workweek and start devoting more time to your art? Or if you want to develop a practice as an intuitive or a healer, perhaps you could start out by doing sessions every Saturday morning as you build your practice. Envision what you’d like the final result to look like and take the first step.

Once you’ve committed time and space to what you wish to do in your next career, take concrete steps to make that happen. Tell your friends and family your plan so they can give you moral support and maybe help you spread the word. Next, maybe you could make business cards or a website or whatever next step is important to build your business.

To start a new career, it’s also important to ground the energy and time allotted to that new career you’re building. For example, if you want to start a cleaning business, even if no new clients have called yet, spend time in your home office grounding the energy, visualizing what you’re creating, and doing tasks specifically related to that business—working on new flyers or whatever else needs to be done, for example.

Congratulations on listening to your soul’s song. May its music carry you with light along your path.

CREATING WHAT YOU WANT

26 Jan 2014 Leave a comment

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The Wright Brothers could not invent the airplane without having the faith that humans could fly.  But the creative process requires imagination as well as faith.  To stop war, we must first imagine peace.  To eliminate poverty, we must imagine abundance.  To paint a masterpiece, we must imagine beauty.  To change, to make a fresh start and to live up to our highest, fullest potential, we must not only imagine a better future for ourselves, but imagine it over and over at each step of the way, knowing that the sun still exists even when it is night.”  

—Naomi Hoshino Horii (from Celestial Seasonings tea box, www.celestialseasonings.com)

Every Sunday, I will share a fun quote or photo or something else that tickles my fancy. I invite you to email me at askdalimama@gmail.com if you have something to share for Sunday’s Share. 

HOW DO I STAY TRUE TO MYSELF?

23 Jan 2014 Leave a comment

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DEAR DALI MAMA:
I get influenced very easily and by many people. I am not sure if this is a good thing or bad thing. Please advise.
—N.C., Nepal
DEAR  N.C.,
Your simply asking this question exhibits the wisdom of your soul and the readiness to make a change towards being able to make decisions from your spirit’s wisdom and knowingness rather than being influenced by others.
Being influenced easily in and of itself is not necessarily a good or bad thing because it means you are open-minded and not stuck in some kind of dogma. Instead, you are open to learning and being present to your own divine truth. This being said, it is important to learn to be grounded so that you can make decisions and act from your truth rather than swayed by others’ truth or perhaps others’ agendas that are not be based on your best interest (e.g., someone who wants to sell something you don’t really need or wants to manipulate you for their own benefit). Or even if they are well intentioned, they may not know the truth, much less the best choice for you. What if Mozart’s father had believed Mozart could never succeed as a musician? Or if religious institutions successfully convinced Galileo his work was against God?
There are two great steps you can take to start to be able to discern what influences support you in your path and which don’t: 1) grounding and 2) cultivating discernment.
Grounding will help you stay centered and be more aware of what is right for you. Contact me through www.holdinglightproductions.com, requesting a free recording of a grounding exercise if you would like one. Those who practice martial arts know how important is it to stay grounded. If someone is not grounded, they can easily get thrown by an opponent, or can even stumble or trip all on their own. If a martial artist is grounded, however, it is much more difficult for an opponent to knock them down and they can also be much more agile and move quickly and instinctively when they remain grounded.
Cultivating discernment will help you objectively notice different influences in your life and how they are influencing you. When you are with certain people, do you find yourself constantly doing things that go against yourself? For example, if you are a student, do you have any friends who always urge you to go party with them instead of studying? Or if you are single, do you have any friends who seem to sabotage (perhaps  not consciously) any new relationships, perhaps by disparaging (without reason) a new potential partner or getting angry if you spend any time with anyone but them?
If there are any people with whom you keep making choices that go against your highest good, notice that and make sure that you make choices that really feel good to you and that ultimately build your life in the direction you want. Spend more time with people who encourage you to be your best self and encourage you to be the best you can be, if only by modeling what that means to them in their own life. And even with people who are generally good influences, stay grounded and learn to listen to what your spirit says is the right choice for you in each moment. This is ultimately the way you learn to become the leader of your life, a leader of  your family, at your workplace, in your community, place of worship, or anywhere else you are.
Congratulations for the courage to look at this very important question.

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