HOW DOES AN INTROVERT HANDLE BEING WITH A BUNCH OF EXTROVERTS FOR EXTENDED PERIODS OF TIME?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I am visiting my husband’s very large extroverted family for a whole week from Christmas to New Year for the first time. I’m very introverted and sometimes feel exhausted being with people constantly and am nervous about how to handle this. Do you have any suggestions?

–INTROVERT (BRAZIL)

DEAR INTROVERT:

First of all, congratulations on being aware of what you’re comfortable with and how much you can handle. That is the most important step in dealing with a lot of people over an extended period of time as an introvert.

Give yourself complete permission to take time for yourself on your own. Go for a walk, go do an errand, hang out at the library, take a nap, or (if you want), go to the kitchen and do some dishes while everyone else is watching a game or television or playing a game. Do what you want when you need to and do so without apology.

Because your husband’s family is extroverted, they might not understand your need for space or might be worried for you that you’re alone, but if you are having fun and keep reassuring them, you will train them to understand you truly are happy doing your own thing and hiding away on your own every once in a while. And it’s good you’re setting the tone now during your first Christmas together since hopefully you will have many more to come.

Also, create an energy bubble around you, giving yourself as much space as you need. You may also want to imagine energetic boundary roses around all sides of you, allowing the energetic roses to absorb anyone else’s energy and as a reminder for yourself to have your own energy for you.

Wishing you a peaceful holiday.

WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST DOING AT THE END OF A YEAR/BEGINNING OF A NEW YEAR?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

Is there anything you suggest to do at the end of a year or beginning of a new year?

–PREPARING TO RING IN THE NEW (UNITED STATES)

DEAR PREPARING:

I like to do a few things to say goodbye to a year and bring in a new one.

  • I think about the wonderful things that happened during the past year and also reflect on any lessons I’ve learned and how I can make the most of what I learned moving forward. I also give thanks for the past year as well as for everything else that I’ve experienced.
  • I get rid of anything I no longer need. For example, tax papers I kept for the prescribed three years that I can no shred; manuals for appliances that broke or that I no longer own; clothes that I haven’t worn for the last year or anything else I own that I haven’t used for a year; or tokens and gifts from old beaux.
  • I envision what I’d like to create during the next year and write everything down as a first step to my intentions concrete.

Play with this and see what you come up with. Have fun and happy new year. May this next year bring you all many blessings.

HOW DO I MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION ON MY BOYFRIEND’S PARENTS?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I am meeting my boyfriend’s parents for the first time for Hanukah. He wants them to meet me before he proposes and I am very nervous. How do I make a good impression on them?

–Nervous (United States)

DEAR NERVOUS:

First, keep in mind that his parents might be just as nervous as you are.

Second, be yourself. Be confident in yourself and think more about the wonderful opportunity to get to know the people that created and raised your boyfriend and enjoy each moment. If you get nervous or feel awkward, reset your time to fun and exploration and hopefully the fun and exploratory mood will be contagious. But no matter how anyone else is feeling, you will be able to have fun and learn interesting things!

Enjoy!

WHAT DO I GIVE TO MY SISTER-IN-LAW WHO ALWAYS GIVES ME CHEAP OR AWFUL PRESENTS?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

My sister-in-law always gives everyone else these hugely expensive and elaborate presents and always gives me something insultingly cheap and/or ugly. For years, I always gave her nice presents but I am thinking that I am just going to either get her something cheap like she gets me or nothing at all. Your advice?

–Scrooged (United States)

DEAR SCROOGED:

If you can’t give her anything with love, maybe it’s best to just give her a card. You might also want to consider giving her a present from an organization such as Heifer International (see http://www.heifer.org/gift-catalog/index.html). Through Heifer, you can buy, for example, a share of a sheep so that a family can use the wool to make products to sell or clothe themselves.

Another great organization is www.kiva.org, through which you can make a micro-loan of $25 (or more) in her name, or let her choose which person or cause to support with her micro-loan. Once the loan is repaid, it can be loaned to the next person to keep the cycle of positive good going strong.

Otherwise, if she has a pet cause or nonprofit, you can make a donation in her name, spreading the love that way. In this way, you can give with love even when it’s difficult to muster up love for someone that is not always kind or generous with you.

HOW DO I STOP MY MAN’S DRINKING?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I am dating an amazing man but he drinks too much. He says he’ll stop and he’ll stop for a while but then go right back to drinking. How do I stop his drinking? I love him but I cannot live with this.

–Desperate (Norway)

DEAR DESPERATE:

Unfortunately, you cannot stop his drinking. Only he can stop his drinking. And before he can stop, he has to want to stop. Check out Alcoholic Aonymous’s website (http://www.aa.org), which provides a lot of valuable information for alcoholics as well as the people that love them.

You do not specify exactly what you cannot live with. If alcohol makes him abusive, find a safe place and do not put yourself in any dangerous situations.

If he is not willing to take steps to get support to quit drinking, perhaps it is time to walk away.

CAN DEVELOPING YOUR PSYCHIC ABILITIES MAKE YOU GO MAD?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I’m very intuitive and I want to develop my psychic abilities more but I’m afraid of going mad. Is it possible to go mad after opening up to being more psychic? Or am I being paranoid?

–Cautious or Paranoid? (Brazil)

DEAR CAUTIOUS:

Developing one’s psychic abilities doesn’t necessarily make you go mad but it is important to learn how to manage and handle energies in a safe way. This includes learning how to clean your energy properly before and after doing a psychic reading or a healing.

Also, I urge you to really learn how to ground and to stay grounded before you delve into areas like channeling and other forms of mediumship. If you do not learn this in a grounded and aware and safe space, it can indeed be harmful.

It’s also important to be in sound mental health before really opening up one’s psychic space.

Have fun developing your abilities.

HOW DO I PREPARE MY CHILD FOR A YOUNGER SIBLING?

DEAR DALI MAMA: nov 15

How do I prepare my daughter (an only child) for a younger sibling? She is four and I am expecting in 5 months, God willing.

–Worried Mom (United States)

DEAR MOM:

It’s important to set the tone. If you are worried about talking to your daughter about a new sibling or worried about her reaction to the news, she will pick up on that energy and might think the addition to the family is something to fear. Feel the joy of the new addition to the family and she will likely share in the enthusiasm.

You might also want to institute some gradual changes so she doesn’t associate any “negative” changes with the new baby. For example, if you know you’re going to have to institute some changes your child might not like (like an earlier bedtime or your child needing to take on a new task like getting dressed on her own), then make those changes gradually a month or two before the baby comes so that she doesn’t associate the baby with having to make changes she might not like.

You might also want to talk to her about some of the exciting parts about being an older sister and what that might mean for her. You might also want to start a new ritual with your older child when you bring the baby home—even a special one-on-one time 5 or 10 minutes every day where you talk together or read a book or sing a song can be one new ritual you can create with your oldest child to remind them that they are special to you.

DO YOU HAVE TO BE VEGETARIAN TO RAISE YOUR VIBRATION?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

Do you have to be vegetarian to raise your vibration?

–Carnivore Trying to Quit

DEAR CARNIVORE TRYING TO QUIT:

Each individual’s body has unique needs at different times. Some people can do very well on a balanced vegetarian or vegan diet. Some people have a little bit of a harder time, particularly if they are allergic to many protein sources such as nuts or dairy or soy. There are some great protein powders (I love the chocolate Vega powder) for those who are trying to cut down on meat consumption but still have enough protein.

I think it’s also important when eating meat to do so consciously—not eating more than necessary, making meat choices that take environmental effects into consideration, and thanking the spirit of the animal who is sustaining you. Intent and consciousness are probably more important in raising your vibration than diet alone although I think that can include not eating more meat than your body truly needs.

If you want to become vegetarian, cut down your meat consumption gradually and educate yourself on how to eat a balanced vegetarian diet and keep checking in with your body to see what it needs. Have fun eating delicious vegetarian foods!

WHY CAN WOMEN MAKE SEXIST GENERALIZATIONS BUT MEN CAN’T?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

Why is it okay for women to rag on how much men suck but men cannot do the same without being called misogynistic? Aren’t women who generalize and call all men pigs just as sexist?

–Just Sayin’ (United States)

DEAR JUST SAYIN’:

I agree that it is just as sexist for women to make a general statement categorizing all men as pigs as it is for men to make a general statement characterizing women as being anything. But women’s sexist behavior does not legitimize men’s sexist behavior just as men’s sexist behavior does not legitimize women sexist behavior.

You sound like an intelligent fellow. Break the cycle!

HOW TO BALANCE HORMONES AND PROLONG FERTILITY?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I’m in my early forties and might be getting signs of early menopause. I have been very emotional the past 15 months though I put this down to emotional release through healing—I live in Brazil and get healing from John of God. I cry at the silliest thing and an annoying thought can spiral me into an internal emotional drama for the remainder of the day.

I have also periods every three weeks now, sometimes twice a month (before it was every 28 days).

Do you think it could be early menopause? Or is some of it healing related (physically and emotionally)? I know nothing about how to balance my hormones…

Also, is there any way my fertility can be prolonged? (I want to have a child in the not so distant future if possible). Thank you for helping.

– Completely Clueless (Brazil)

DEAR COMPLETELY:

Probably the first thing you might want to do is consult your doctor and get an exam and possibly a blood-chemistry test so that he/she can look at your hormone levels and make sure nothing else is going on. Once you do that, if you like, I can point you in the direction of some websites that can give you information on alternative treatments based on your blood-chemistry results. I don’t want to recommend phytoestrogens or anything like that because they might be contraindicated for you, depending on what all is going on.

Irregular periods and mood swings can certainly be signs of perimenopause, but your doctor can give you a better idea from your blood tests. The emotional sensitivity can be part of your growth period from being down in Brazil and getting healings over as well in terms of releasing energy and shifting your vibration. Some of your physical symptoms could be a result of the energy work you’ve been doing as well since sometimes healings cause occasionally exacerbate existing symptoms.

And since you’re down in Brazil, perhaps you could ask for healings on hormone balance and fertility as well as finding the right person to have a child with if you haven’t already.

As far as the energetic aspects of your questions, here are some things to consider. Hormone imbalances are related to the need to balance the male and female energies that run within each person. For example, when we need more female hormones for an optimal balance, that can correspond to either/both needing to expand our energetic receptiveness/havingness/passive creation energy (a more yin energy) with our active male creative energy (yang energy). Both energies are necessary for balanced hormones as well as in the conception of a child.

Here is a link that might be helpful: http://www.webmd.com/menopause/guide/guide-perimenopause. I also recommend you check out some of Dr. Christine Northrup’s books as well.

Feel free to write in again when you get your blood-test results from your doctor and perhaps I can give you more detailed suggestions at that point.

NOTE TO READERS: SORRY I’VE BEEN GONE SO LONG. HAVE BEEN WORKING ON SOME DEADLINES. SHOULD BE MOSTLY BACK TO MY REGULAR SCHEDULE NOW.

WHY DO I SEE STUFF WHEN I PICK UP AN OBJECT?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

Sometimes, when I pick up an object, I see flashes of pictures of people. Or excerpts like from a movie. What is happening?

–Nutters (England)

DEAR N.:

Perhaps you have the gift of psychometry, a type of psychic ability where you can pick up energies held in or related to an object. So maybe you get flashes of people that owned or touched that object. Play with it and see what happens! You can practice by having different people hand you a bunch of objects. Try to make it a blind test. For example, maybe you could ask a friend to collect one object from different people that you’ve never met and see if you can get any hits. Write down or record all of your perceptions or feelings and then ask for feedback from the person who lent you the object. Don’t be discouraged if you’re not right all the time. Psychometry, like any gift, can be developed and honed over time.

 

WHY DO MY RELATIONSHIPS NEVER LAST?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I have been on so many dates—women I’ve met online, through friends, at the grocery store, whatever. It always goes only so far—maybe a few dates, maybe two months at the most, but they all disappear suddenly, often without any explanation. How do I figure out what went wrong? I pay for the coffee, the lunch, the dinner, whatever. I act like a gentleman. Is it something wrong with me? How do I find out why nothing ever lasts?

–Throwing in the Towel (United States)

DEAR THROWING:

Please don’t throw in the towel just yet, my friend. It sounds like you’re a good guy and, believe me, I’m sure there are many women out there looking for a guy like you.

Sometimes people (especially women, because sometimes they’re trained culturally to avoid confrontation or anything that could be unpleasant) may just get a sense it’s not a good match for them and would rather disappear or fade quietly into the background rather than speak up, which makes it hard for the other person who might be left wondering what went wrong.

Don’t take it personally. Meeting the “right” person takes time and experimentation. Sometimes I think it even just boils down to pheromones. Pheromones and karmic agreements. Because your pheromones don’t match someone’s else’s biological coding, that doesn’t mean there’s necessarily anything wrong with you. It’s just not a good match for whatever reason. Likewise, maybe a person mocked up having a relationship where they could learn certain types of lessons and you’re not the best match for each other that way, although of course that doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with either of you.

By all means, ask for some feedback from your female friends and see if they have any pointers for you but ultimately do whatever feels right to you. And maybe experiment against type. If you’ve always gone for a certain type of women, try hanging out and going out on a date with another type of women and see if anything clicks.

Keep heart, my friend. Someone’s looking for you.

 

IS THERE AN ENERGETIC COMPONENT TO MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I have MS (multiple sclerosis). Is there an energetic component to multiple sclerosis I should be aware of?

–Wanting to Heal Myself (Brazil)

DEAR WANTING TO HEAL:

All diseases related to the immune system bring with them lessons on the importance of honoring and loving yourself. Perhaps you could practice doing things to honor and love yourself. Notice where you consistently put others’ needs before your own; for example, taking on volunteer work or helping out a friend (in a non-emergency situation) when you are already exhausted or feel like you’re fighting a cold. Start a new habit of consciously attending to your needs and treating your body and yourself as well as you would your child or your best friend.

Your determination to heal yourself and to look at the energy of MS is a wonderful step on your path to more optimal health. Congratulations.

 

HOW DO I DEAL WITH A STALKING EX?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

My ex-boyfriend has been stalking me for years. I tried to be nice and I have been very clear. Now I am dating someone new. How do I handle all of this? I am afraid my stalker will scare my new boyfriend away. My ex isn’t dangerous but I feel I should warn my boyfriend all the same.

–Stalked (United States)

DEAR STALKED:

Keep logs of all contact and stalking attempts and emails and texts–all of it, complete with dates and documentation. Also make sure (if you haven’t already) to unfriend him on Facebook or block his number and emails. Also file a police report immediately and get a restraining order. Don’t assume your ex isn’t dangerous. If he has been stalking you for years, he obviously does not have healthy/sane boundaries and you never know how the new boyfriend factor might inflame him. It is important to let your current boyfriend know about the situation and give him a photo of your ex so he knows what he looks like and whom to watch out for. If he gets scared off, he’s not the one anyway. If he’s the right person for you, he’ll stick around.

Don’t worry about being nice. The time for niceness is over. You may have compassion for him, but don’t worry about hurting his feelings or being hated by him. You need to make your safety (and your boyfriend’s) a priority.

 

HOW DO I STOP THINKING ABOUT AN OLD LOVE?

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I can’t stop thinking about a man I dated (only briefly years ago). How do I stop this unhealthy behavior?

–Heartbroken (Brazil)

DEAR HEARTBROKEN:

It’s great that you recognize continuing to think about this man is not healthy for you. Validate the time you had together and let that be enough as the gift it was. Give thanks for the experiences you had together and for what you each learned from each other, then make room for someone new to come into your life.

If you want, I also encourage you to get rid of any old photos of him or momentos of your time together to make room for new romance and love.

Maybe you could even join some singles clubs or host a singles party or something and get the word out to your friends you’re ready to meet someone new in case they know someone you might hit it off with. Whether you hit it off romantically or not, it can be a lot of fun to make new friends and meet new people.

 

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