26 Jul 2014
by askdalimama
in Work
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, corporate America, dali mama, owning your authority, spiritual advice column, unwanted advice
DEAR DALI MAMA:
How do I deal with this older woman that’s always trying to give me advice? She tries to give me advice on fashion, makeup, dating, buying a house, and everything and anything else. I don’t know if it’s because I’m a 32-year-old woman, but I think 32 is old enough that she wouldn’t feel she has to tell me how to do everything. She’s not even my boss. She’s a co-worker in my department. How do I handle this?
–Annoyed (Corporate America)
DEAR ANNOYED:
Perhaps next time she offers advice, you can smile and tell her you thank you but you’ve got everything covered.
You might also want to notice if you’re not owning your knowledge and information and authority in some way. Sometimes, especially if you’re generally a mellow or low-key person, you might not convey how much you know or how much you’ve got it together because you already know you do. When you’re really embodying your power and your authority, it’s much more difficult for people, however well-meaning, to presume to tell you how to do anything you already know.
Own it!
25 Jul 2014
by askdalimama
in Love & Relationships
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, dating, divorce, marriage, passion, rediscovering your spouse, relationship counseling, spiritual advice column, travel, when is it time to leave a marriage
DEAR DALI MAMA:
My wife and I have been married for 27 years. She is a wonderful woman but I feel so bored with my life and with my marriage. How do I know when it is time to go?
–Trying (United States)
DEAR TRYING:
Well, first you might want to have a conversation with her and maybe try couples counseling. If you’re feeling bored with your marriage, it’s quite likely she might be feeling the same way.
Talk together and see what you can both do to cultivate passion, excitement, and a fresh perspective on your marriage and on each other. Try dating each other too. Do fun things neither of you have done before. Take a class together, visit a new place, or buy a tandem bike that you can ride together to explore new places while staying healthy. You may come to know each other in a whole new way when you give yourselves a chance by giving yourself fresh situations, new environments, and novel stuff to do and discuss together. You both have probably evolved in ways you don’t even recognize and this is a great chance to get to know your new selves with fresh eyes.
Also, keep in mind that when you were first dating, you worked to get to know each other and you made plans to do fun things together. That’s got to continue. Every relationship needs work to maintain it and to help it grow and thrive.
Finally, if you feel bored with your life, you’ve got to start by addressing that. Once you feel stimulated in your own life (your hobbies, interests, learning new things, pursuing your dreams), that stimulation and enthusiasm will likely spread into your marriage.
I wish you much enjoyment of the rediscovery of both who you are and who your wife is and who you are as a couple in the present moment.
24 Jul 2014
by askdalimama
in Love & Relationships
Tags: ask dali mama, commitment, crossing the line with an ex-girlfriend, dali mama, ex-girlfriend, girlfriend, priorities, relationships
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I have been seeing someone seriously for a while now in a committed relationship. Recently, an old girlfriend has surfaced and we’ve been hanging out together. At what point does this cross a line that should not be crossed?
–Just wondering (Canada)
DEAR JUST WONDERING:
I commend you for thinking about this before it comes to a point where it does cross the line. I encourage you to speak to your girlfriend and discuss what she is comfortable with. You might also want to invite her to hang out with you and your friend/ex-girlfriend. If you do not want to invite her to hang out with the two of you, that’s probably a sign it’s time to pull back from hanging out with your ex, at least when it’s just the two of you.
Also, if you’re feeling sexually attracted to your old girlfriend or your friendship with her is taking away from your time with your girlfriend or the quality of your relationship with your current girlfriend, it’s definitely time to consider your priorities and make a fresh commitment within yourself to your current relationship with your girlfriend if it’s truly important to you. If you don’t, you might end up crossing the line and not only losing your girlfriend but ending up in the same place you were before with your old girlfriend and remembering why the two of you broke up in the first place.
23 Jul 2014
by askdalimama
in Love & Relationships
DEAR DALI MAMA:
How do I get a guy to ask me out?
–Shy (Canada)
DEAR SHY:
Probably the best thing you can do is smile, show interest, and be yourself. If he’s not interested in the real you, being yourself is a good way to weed out anyone who is not a good match for you.
Also, ask him questions about himself and let him lead the conversation so you can get to know him better to see if you’d actually want to be in a relationship with him, much less go on a date with him—particularly helpful when you’re shy.
You also might want to consider asking him out. These days, there’s really no reason you can’t. Even if he’s not available or interested in a relationship, he’ll probably at least be flattered you asked.
22 Jul 2014
by askdalimama
in Love & Relationships, Sex
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, intimacy, polyamorous relationships, polyamory, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
Sorry. One more question. You just responded to my question about polyamory. A lot of times, when you answer questions, you talk about the energetics of the issue but you didn’t talk about the energetics of polyamory. Can you address the energetics of polyamory beyond whether both partners in a couple wish to adopt it or not?
–Still Reluctant (United States)
DEAR STILL RELUCTANT:
Sometimes one or both of the partners want to bring other people into their relationship as a way of avoiding intimacy with their primary partner, as well as intimacy with themselves on an emotional and spiritual level. If a person has not done their own inner work within themselves or their relationship work with the partner (of course these things are lifelong lessons, but it helps to do concentrated work on oneself), trying to bring external people into their relationship can be a way of avoiding doing their own inner work or on the trust and communication and other work that needs to be done within the primary relationship with their partner.
However, if both partners are doing their inner work and their work with each other and are open and honest with each other and set boundaries about what is and is not acceptable, polyamory can benefit them and their relationship if that is truly what both of them want. If they have not and are not doing their inner work and their karmic work with each other, however, sometimes bringing others into their relationship will exponentially increase and exacerbate any dynamics that are already not working within themselves or within each other.
Hope this clarifies the energetic dynamics as requested.
If any readers who have tried polyamory wish to add any input, please feel free to comment with your own experiences and lessons and insights on the energetic dynamics of polyamorous relationships.
21 Jul 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, creating space for new owners, dali mama, how to sell my house, real estate, spiritual advice column, why isn't my house selling
Our house has been on the market 2+ months. Few visitors. We have grounded the house, removed crystals, painted, recarpeted. What is the energy, reason the house is not selling?
–Lisa (United States)
DEAR LISA:
One of the reasons is that it is an intense time on the planet and in the United States to put a house on the market.
Also be aware of any urge or need to keep upping the vibration of the house, or to keep trying to improve the energy. What can end up happening is that more you do that, the harder it is for people to come in and look at the home, much less to buy it.
Another thing you can do is release any effort and control energy and old mockups/intentions for the house, and to reset the energy of the house to ease and an invitation for fun or whatever the new owners would like, and to create energetic space for whoever is the right match for the house. If you want, release any restrictions on who that right match is what kind of people they will be, and allow the universe to match the house with its right people.
Have fun playing with the energy.
19 Jul 2014
by askdalimama
in Love & Relationships, Sex
DEAR DALI MAMA:
My husband and I have been married for 14 years. We are in our late 30s and early 40s. He wants us to adopt polyamory but I don’t want us to have an open marriage like that and I don’t want to sleep with other people, nor to have him sleeping with other people. What do you think of this idea?
–Reluctant (United States)
DEAR RELUCTANT:
If you do not want to be polyamorous, don’t be.
I think polyamorous relationships are fine when both partners wish for their marriage to be polyamorous and are open and honest and can set and agree on boundaries that they both adhere to. If one of the partners does not wish to be polyamorous and is just going along with it to make the other partner happy, there is an imbalance in the relationship that could lead to resentment later down the road.
You and your husband might want to find a relationship therapist or counselor to help you navigate what is best for both of you individually and as a couple.
17 Jul 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, artificial insemination, ask dali mama, book club, dali mama, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I am a single 40-year-old woman. I am considering artificial insemination. Is there anything I should be aware of energetically in this process?
–Curious (Canada)
DEAR CURIOUS:
I would suggest first thinking about what kind of child you would like, what kind of relationship with your child you would like, and what kind of child you could best be a mother to (what you can teach your child and what your child can teach you, for example).
After that, as you’re considering the various potential sperm donors (whether you know them personally or not), use your intuition and gut feeling when you’re choosing the donor, rather than going strictly by what’s written down on paper (sperm donor is a professional, or a scholar, or whatever). Let your heart and your spirit guide you based on the intention you’ve created, rather than letting your mind make the decision based on what it thinks or what’s on paper.
If your heart is set on this path, by all means follow your heart. Blessings on your journey.
16 Jul 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, book club, dali mama, fed up, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I belong to a book club and just love all of the people in there, except for one woman, who drives me crazy. She always goes on and on about her opinions, which are really not that interesting or original. She is also very much in her head when discussing the books and misses the whole point of different characters’ actions and scenes, etc. Sometimes I don’t even want to go to the book club, but that’d probably be stupid because I generally have a really good time except for listening to this one lady. What do you think?
–Almost Fed up (United States)
DEAR ALMOST FED UP:
This might be a great opportunity to practice being able to enjoy what you love no matter what else happens or who else is there. Whether it’s a book club or a movie or a friendship, just validate and enjoy the parts you love and see how that starts to increase your enjoyment of everything.
If you like, it might be a good chance as well to look at your matches with the woman who annoys you. Often, when someone really bugs us, it’s because we have within ourselves a similar energy that we don’t like in ourselves. For example, you mentioned she’s very much in her head and sometimes misses the bigger picture in a book. Do you feel like you ever get in your head and miss the bigger picture? Or do you have some other match to her? Use this opportunity to release or transform any old energies in you that no longer resonate with who you are today.
15 Jul 2014
by askdalimama
in Love & Relationships
Tags: ask dali mama, bossy father-in-law, dali mama, father-in-law
DEAR DALI MAMA:
My wife’s father is very bossy and orders me around in my own house when he comes to visit. How do I handle this?
–Fed up Husband (United States)
DEAR FED UP:
You might want to start by telling him you want to have a talk with him and going off, just the two of you, and having a friendly chat.
Of course, this doesn’t guarantee that your father-in-law will come around, and even if he does, it’s likely to be a process, but it’s worth a try.
You mention that he’s very bossy so it sounds like you’re not the only one he orders around. If nothing else, unless his behavior starts becoming abusive, keep thanking him as spirit for creating and giving life to the woman you love.
12 Jul 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I am a very sensitive person. When I’m around family or friends or even people I don’t know very well, I often feel what they’re feeling. When they’re not feeling happy, I start feeling anxious, like maybe it’s my fault or that I did something or said something to make them feel that way. Do you have any advice for me?
–Easily Anxious (United States)
DEAR EASILY ANXIOUS:
You’re not alone. That is very common for sensitive people.
I suggest you start training yourself to focus on how you feel. This is hard for sensitive people, particularly for clairsentients who can often feel in their body how others are feeling.
Also, keep in mind that people often have feelings (insecurity, invalidation, anger, pain, etc.) that have nothing to do with you. Give them space to feel whatever they’re feeling and just pay attention to how you feel and do whatever you need to in order to keep your spirits up. This will model behavior that will ultimately help others as well.
I wish you much ease.
11 Jul 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I feel like I have the worst luck in the world. Is it possible I am cursed?
–Psyching Myself Out (United States)
DEAR PSYCHING MYSELF OUT:
Sometimes we can experience a difficult thing and we start to dread and resist similar difficulties, which can actually attract more of the same. The more we dread something, the more we can create something. And the more we create difficult situations, the more we can come to believe that is our norm.
I suggest you play with creating positive expectations and create structures to bring in positive events and people into your life. For example, when you wake up in the morning, imagine something fun happening. Or when you meet someone new, smile and expect the best, even if it’s a one-second loving spirit connection with a fellow human being. Try this and notice and positive changes that you see over time.
10 Jul 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
DEAR DALI MAMA:
Sometimes I date different men and get really turned off by the smell of some of them but it’s not even like they have body odor. What is the cause of this?
–Sensitive Smeller (Brazil)
DEAR SS:
You are likely responding to the pheromones of the men. If they’re not a good biochemical match for you, their pheromones won’t smell good to you. You’re right—it does not have anything to do with body odor. They’re likely just not the right match for you.
The other possibility is that you’re someone that smells energy. Some people see energy or feel energy. Some people know stuff or hear psychic messages. And some people can smell energy. They might smell someone whose energy is coming around them. For example, maybe they’d smell their grandmother’s perfume when their grandmother’s spirit comes to visit them. They might smell lovely smells when lovely energy comes around. Or they might smell disagreeable odors when energy they don’t resonate with is around.
Or it might be a combination of pheromones and smelling energy. Play with this and see which it is for you. And trust yourself. Your nose knows. Ha ha.
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