09 Jan 2015
by askdalimama
in Children
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, babysitter, babysitter mocked my child, babysitter mocked my son, checking in with your child, dali mama, monitoring television use, monitoring tv use, spiritual advice column, tv and babysitter
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I work full-time and came home early one day and overheard the babysitter mocking my son while she was on the phone to her friend. My son was watching TV in the same room and perhaps did not hear her, but I am concerned nevertheless. What do you advise?
–Working Mom (Canada)
DEAR WORKING MOM:
Find a different babysitter and screen all applicants very carefully. Whether your son heard the babysitter or not, he does not need someone taking care of him who is making fun of him for any reason. Even if he did not hear her or catch what she/he said, he is being exposed to negative and invalidating energy. Also, you might want to also have a conversation with your sitter about how much television and what kind of television your child can watch. You may want to pick a caregiver who will not park your son in front of the TV all day as a substitute for engaging dialogue or cognitive stimulation or simply a caring presence.
Once you find a babysitter, keep tabs on the sitter to ensure your son is getting the kind of care that you need. You might even want to pop in unexpectedly one day and also regularly ask your son open and neutral, non-leading questions such as “What did you do today?” or “How do you feel about your new sitter?” to get a feel for whether he is getting adequate attention and intellectual stimulation and whether he feels comfortable with the new sitter and if not, why.
Wishing you and your son the best.
07 Jan 2015
by askdalimama
in Love & Relationships
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, creating space, dali mama, dating site, energetic space, getting a response to messages on a dating site, online dating, profile, space, spiritual advice column, women not responding to messages, writing profiles
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I joined a dating site a couple weeks ago but noticed that none of the women even bother responding to my messages although my profile shows that I am an employed professional with a good salary and decent photo (I’m a decent-looking man, some say handsome even). Why haven’t I even gotten one single response?
–Frustrated (United States)
DEAR FRUSTRATED:
First, get some feedback from some of your friends (both male and female) to get some opinions on how you can improve your profile. Of course, you don’t have to incorporate all suggestions but just consider the feedback as research and then, if any of them resonate for you, you might want to tweak your profile slightly. Some small changes can make a big difference.
Second, keep in mind that some women are deluged with messages and people may be particularly busy or traveling right because we just got through with the holiday season.
Third, consider what kind of messages you’re sending. Are you just saying “Hi” or sending a wink? Are your messages thoughtful, demonstrating that you’ve actually read their profile or are they messages like “You’re pretty,” where it’s ambiguous whether you’ve actually read about their interests or hobbies or anything about them beyond seeing their photo? Tailor your messages to demonstrate you’ve read what they wrote about themselves and perhaps ask a question or two to engage them on a little deeper level than just hello, for example.
Finally, create an energetic space for them to respond to you if they want. Sometimes both men and women, in their enthusiasm to connect with someone, don’t realize they’re not creating an open and inviting space to hear back from someone or respond. Experiment with being both neutral and enthusiastic about getting to know someone while letting go off all expectations or demands or notions about how and when they respond to you. Play with this and have fun, no matter whether you hear from anyone or not. If you set the energy of your correspondence and of your dating to fun, it’s much more likely some woman will match that energy of fun and want to get to know you more.
06 Jan 2015
by askdalimama
in Health
Tags: advice column, alcohol, ask dali mama, caffeine, dali mama, grounding, health, losing weight, losing weight after the holidays, overeating, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I put on a lot of weight over the holidays, largely because of stress eating while spending Christmas and New Year’s with my parents and my brother and his family. How do I stop this and how do I lose the weight? Are there any energetic “tricks”?
–Stuffed (United States)
DEAR STUFFED:
It is very common for people in the United States and some other countries to gain weight over the holidays as well as to stress eat. Overeating (particularly sugar or other processed foods) and excessive drinking (alcohol in particular but even too much caffeine can have a similar effect) can pop you out of your body, leaving you numb to whatever stresses you’re experiencing or to the issues that are getting lit up for you by being around your family.
I am sending you the free grounding exercises for you to do, which can help lose the excess weight. Also pay attention to any feelings (during the holiday or otherwise) that make you want to get the heck out of Dodge by overeating or overconsuming alcohol or even caffeinated drinks. When you feel like you want to pop out by overeating or overdrinking, it’s even more important to stay grounded so you can look at any release any energies pushing you out of full awareness so you can full enjoy being in a healthy body with choices that support your optimal health.
05 Jan 2015
by askdalimama
in Love & Relationships
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, marriage, seeing a married man, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I am so in love with a married man. He is unhappy in his marriage and does not sleep with her anymore but they have been married for more than 20 years and he has two children. He says he is going to leave her and marry me but it has been a long time and I spend every holiday without him and I am giving up hope that he will ever leave her. What do you advise?
–Torn (United States)
DEAR TORN:
Let me just ask you a few questions (with love) for you to think about as you make your decision about your next steps. You mention he has children but is it more accurate perhaps to say that “they” have two children? Do you notice that his words or promises don’t match his actions? And do you really want to be with someone that is sleeping with someone else (probably without his wife’s knowledge or consent) while he is married to and living with his wife and children? Even if he ever leaves his wife, would you like to be in his wife’s current role with this man and what do you imagine that might look like, based on his current and past behavior?
Maybe you could contemplate these questions and also think about what it means to respect marriage. Others’ marriages as well as perhaps your own marriage someday. Respecting others’ marriages and marriage in general can help you create a solid foundation for you to find the right person to build the kind of marriage you want for yourself.
29 Dec 2014
by askdalimama
in Energy Techniques, Work
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, can objects hold negative energy, dali mama, resetting the energy of a gift you received, resetting the energy of an object, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
My office manager who hates me gave each of us a holiday gift, including me. The gifts are all the same except for the color. I feel very yucky energy on the leather portfolio she gave me. Is this possible? And what do I do about it?
–Sensitive Office Drone (United States)
DEAR SENSITIVE:
Yes, it is possible for objects to carry negative energies, including resentment, especially when they are gifts given out of obligation and not love.
Sometimes even a recipient who wants to give you something out of love can inadvertently give you something with challenging energies. For example, someone who loves you may search far and wide for that “perfect” gift, and may give you a gift full of love, perfectionism (worry that is it not the perfect gift), insecurity, fear (fear that you won’t like the gift), and other energies.
You can neutralize the energies you don’t want to keep by simply receiving the gift in love despite any difficult energies that came with the gift.
You might also want to imagine putting a grounding cord on the leather portfolio, releasing any resentment and ill will (on either side of the relationship) and any other energies that no longer serve you or the relationship. Then, intend to set the energy of the portfolio to support and delight you and to help you in your career. At this point, you can meditate and see how you feel and decide whether you want to keep the portfolio or get rid of it.
If you do get rid of it, just donate it to your favorite nonprofit with love and good wishes for the perfect person who can enjoy a wonderful new leather portfolio.
28 Dec 2014
by askdalimama
in Sunday's Share
Tags: advice column, Arthur C. Clarke, ask dali mama, Colors of Infinity, dali mama, documentary, fractals, Mandelbrot set, spiritual advice column, Sunday’s share
TODAY’S SUNDAY SHARE
Every Sunday I share something cool I’ve come across.
Watch Arthur C. Clarke’s documentary, Colors of Infinity. Fascinating stuff on fractals, the Mandelbrot set, and more.
https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=colors+of+infinity
27 Dec 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, donating presents, is it okay to donate presents you don’t want or need, presents you don’t want, regifting, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
Is it okay to donate presents you just received that you don’t really want or need? My family gave us tons of presents but none of them really suit are tastes or needs or space in our apartment, for that matter. My wife wants to donate them all but I feel like we should hang onto them, at least for a little while. What do you think?
–Torn (Canada)
DEAR TORN:
If you really don’t want to use them or can’t use the presents, I suggest donating them to your favorite nonprofit organization or place of worship and letting those gifts that were given to you in love be free to go out into the world and spread the love and benefit those who absolutely need them. Of course, if it’s a unique handmade item, hopefully your Aunt Martha will not recognize the hand-knitted beret your she made. But if you live in a small town and they see that item on someone else, you can lovingly and truthfully explain you just didn’t have the space/it didn’t fit/you don’t really wear hats, etc., and explain that you didn’t know what to do because you wanted to keep it for a while because the gift was given in love but that you ultimately decided that the best way you could honor that gift was to share it now with someone in need.
Keeping something you cannot or will not use ultimately does you no good nor does it do any good for the kind person who gave you the gift.
23 Dec 2014
by askdalimama
in Family
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, carving quiet time for yourself, dali mama, dealing with extroverts, handling being with people, introvert, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I am visiting my husband’s very large extroverted family for a whole week from Christmas to New Year for the first time. I’m very introverted and sometimes feel exhausted being with people constantly and am nervous about how to handle this. Do you have any suggestions?
–INTROVERT (BRAZIL)
DEAR INTROVERT:
First of all, congratulations on being aware of what you’re comfortable with and how much you can handle. That is the most important step in dealing with a lot of people over an extended period of time as an introvert.
Give yourself complete permission to take time for yourself on your own. Go for a walk, go do an errand, hang out at the library, take a nap, or (if you want), go to the kitchen and do some dishes while everyone else is watching a game or television or playing a game. Do what you want when you need to and do so without apology.
Because your husband’s family is extroverted, they might not understand your need for space or might be worried for you that you’re alone, but if you are having fun and keep reassuring them, you will train them to understand you truly are happy doing your own thing and hiding away on your own every once in a while. And it’s good you’re setting the tone now during your first Christmas together since hopefully you will have many more to come.
Also, create an energy bubble around you, giving yourself as much space as you need. You may also want to imagine energetic boundary roses around all sides of you, allowing the energetic roses to absorb anyone else’s energy and as a reminder for yourself to have your own energy for you.
Wishing you a peaceful holiday.
22 Dec 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, decluttering, envisioning, giving thanks, gratitude, new year, organizing, spiritual advice column, year-end rituals
DEAR DALI MAMA:
Is there anything you suggest to do at the end of a year or beginning of a new year?
–PREPARING TO RING IN THE NEW (UNITED STATES)
DEAR PREPARING:
I like to do a few things to say goodbye to a year and bring in a new one.
- I think about the wonderful things that happened during the past year and also reflect on any lessons I’ve learned and how I can make the most of what I learned moving forward. I also give thanks for the past year as well as for everything else that I’ve experienced.
- I get rid of anything I no longer need. For example, tax papers I kept for the prescribed three years that I can no shred; manuals for appliances that broke or that I no longer own; clothes that I haven’t worn for the last year or anything else I own that I haven’t used for a year; or tokens and gifts from old beaux.
- I envision what I’d like to create during the next year and write everything down as a first step to my intentions concrete.
Play with this and see what you come up with. Have fun and happy new year. May this next year bring you all many blessings.
21 Dec 2014
by askdalimama
in Sunday's Share
Every Sunday I share something cool I’ve come across.
Check out the full version of “The Point:” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Xl50qKVkqE.
19 Dec 2014
by askdalimama
in Family
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, Hanukah, making a good impression, meeting the parents, meeting your boyfriend’s parents, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I am meeting my boyfriend’s parents for the first time for Hanukah. He wants them to meet me before he proposes and I am very nervous. How do I make a good impression on them?
–Nervous (United States)
DEAR NERVOUS:
First, keep in mind that his parents might be just as nervous as you are.
Second, be yourself. Be confident in yourself and think more about the wonderful opportunity to get to know the people that created and raised your boyfriend and enjoy each moment. If you get nervous or feel awkward, reset your time to fun and exploration and hopefully the fun and exploratory mood will be contagious. But no matter how anyone else is feeling, you will be able to have fun and learn interesting things!
Enjoy!
18 Dec 2014
by askdalimama
in Family
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, Christmas, Christmas presents, dali mama, family dynamics, relationships, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
My sister-in-law always gives everyone else these hugely expensive and elaborate presents and always gives me something insultingly cheap and/or ugly. For years, I always gave her nice presents but I am thinking that I am just going to either get her something cheap like she gets me or nothing at all. Your advice?
–Scrooged (United States)
DEAR SCROOGED:
If you can’t give her anything with love, maybe it’s best to just give her a card. You might also want to consider giving her a present from an organization such as Heifer International (see http://www.heifer.org/gift-catalog/index.html). Through Heifer, you can buy, for example, a share of a sheep so that a family can use the wool to make products to sell or clothe themselves.
Another great organization is www.kiva.org, through which you can make a micro-loan of $25 (or more) in her name, or let her choose which person or cause to support with her micro-loan. Once the loan is repaid, it can be loaned to the next person to keep the cycle of positive good going strong.
Otherwise, if she has a pet cause or nonprofit, you can make a donation in her name, spreading the love that way. In this way, you can give with love even when it’s difficult to muster up love for someone that is not always kind or generous with you.
17 Dec 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: AA, advice column, alcoholism, ask dali mama, dali mama, drinking, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I am dating an amazing man but he drinks too much. He says he’ll stop and he’ll stop for a while but then go right back to drinking. How do I stop his drinking? I love him but I cannot live with this.
–Desperate (Norway)
DEAR DESPERATE:
Unfortunately, you cannot stop his drinking. Only he can stop his drinking. And before he can stop, he has to want to stop. Check out Alcoholic Aonymous’s website (http://www.aa.org), which provides a lot of valuable information for alcoholics as well as the people that love them.
You do not specify exactly what you cannot live with. If alcohol makes him abusive, find a safe place and do not put yourself in any dangerous situations.
If he is not willing to take steps to get support to quit drinking, perhaps it is time to walk away.
16 Dec 2014
by askdalimama
in Energy Techniques
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, channeling, cleaning your energy, dali mama, developing psychic abilities, grounding, intuitive, mediumship, psychic, psychic abilities, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I’m very intuitive and I want to develop my psychic abilities more but I’m afraid of going mad. Is it possible to go mad after opening up to being more psychic? Or am I being paranoid?
–Cautious or Paranoid? (Brazil)
DEAR CAUTIOUS:
Developing one’s psychic abilities doesn’t necessarily make you go mad but it is important to learn how to manage and handle energies in a safe way. This includes learning how to clean your energy properly before and after doing a psychic reading or a healing.
Also, I urge you to really learn how to ground and to stay grounded before you delve into areas like channeling and other forms of mediumship. If you do not learn this in a grounded and aware and safe space, it can indeed be harmful.
It’s also important to be in sound mental health before really opening up one’s psychic space.
Have fun developing your abilities.
15 Dec 2014
by askdalimama
in Children
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, creating new rituals with your child, dali mama, preparing a child for a new sibling, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA: nov 15
How do I prepare my daughter (an only child) for a younger sibling? She is four and I am expecting in 5 months, God willing.
–Worried Mom (United States)
DEAR MOM:
It’s important to set the tone. If you are worried about talking to your daughter about a new sibling or worried about her reaction to the news, she will pick up on that energy and might think the addition to the family is something to fear. Feel the joy of the new addition to the family and she will likely share in the enthusiasm.
You might also want to institute some gradual changes so she doesn’t associate any “negative” changes with the new baby. For example, if you know you’re going to have to institute some changes your child might not like (like an earlier bedtime or your child needing to take on a new task like getting dressed on her own), then make those changes gradually a month or two before the baby comes so that she doesn’t associate the baby with having to make changes she might not like.
You might also want to talk to her about some of the exciting parts about being an older sister and what that might mean for her. You might also want to start a new ritual with your older child when you bring the baby home—even a special one-on-one time 5 or 10 minutes every day where you talk together or read a book or sing a song can be one new ritual you can create with your oldest child to remind them that they are special to you.
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