11 Aug 2014
by askdalimama
in Love & Relationships
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, competition, dali mama, family friend, insecurity, one-ups, one-upsmanship, resistance to competition, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I have this family friend I work with that is driving me nuts. Anytime I mention anything, she has to one-up me. If I say I went to the mountains over the weekend, she says her husband is taking her on a one-week cruise to Hawaii. If I say my daughter is excited about going to college, she says her daughter won some big scholarship to a great school. If I mention my husband at all, she brings up how these head hunters are trying to recruit her husband for some huge-paying job. (My husband was laid off and is between jobs at the moment, so this one smarts a little.)
I don’t really buy into the status game or materialism thing or anything, but I find myself getting so irritated nevertheless. Please advise.
–Baffled (United States)
DEAR BAFFLED:
First of all, know that this woman must be very insecure and unhappy with her life if she constantly needs to one-up you on everything. This is probably exacerbated by the fact that you are family friends. I don’t know how long you have known each other, but sometimes family friends can light up a person’s insecurity and competition even more than general acquaintances or friends.
Second, know that resistance to competition (even when you’re not necessarily a competitive person) can sometimes make you stuck in the competition energy, AKA the good ole rat race. So whenever your friend tries to drag you into the one-upmanship game, just validate you and your life for exactly what it is and be grateful to all that is. If you want, you can also keep the details of your life to yourself so as not to give her any ammunition to use to try to pull you into that game. And give her space to be exactly where she is at, knowing she’s doing her best as she knows it to be.
08 Aug 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, changing negative thinking, dali mama, how to think positively, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
How do I change my negative thinking patterns?
–Negative Nellie (United States)
DEAR N.N.:
Well, by asking this question, I’d say you’ve already done the most important thing. You became aware of existing negative-thinking patterns and did something with conscious effort to change—you wrote in with this question!
The next step is an ongoing process. Notice whenever a negative thought pops into your mind and then transform it into a manageable, positive thought. For example, if you look around at clutter around you and think, “I can never organize my house,” you could perhaps instead think, “I am going to throw away any dried-up pens from my desk,” thereby breaking up what seems an impossible goal into smaller manageable tasks and validating what you accomplished.
This is something you can do with any type of negative thoughts. I congratulate you on making this important change in your life.
07 Aug 2014
by askdalimama
in Children, Work
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, how to deal with parents, spiritual advice column, teachers
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I am a junior-high teacher. How do I handle parents that think everything their kid does wrong is my fault?
–Fed up (United States)
DEAR FED UP:
I can empathize with all of the responsibility put on teachers in this era. While you cannot force parents (or the kids, for that matter) to take responsibility for their own obligations, perhaps you can improve the situation with clear communication. Perhaps you could make a clear plan with three sections (parental responsibilities and agreements, student responsibilities and agreements, and teacher responsibilities and agreements).
Create a chart and perhaps you could meet with the parents and student together to come to an agreement about what part each of you will take in improving the situation. That way, you create buy-in from all parties as well as clear, agreed-upon delineation of each party’s responsibilities and obligations. Fill out the chart together and make copies for each party and have everyone sign their name to signify their understanding of the agreement and their promise to do their part.
Try it and see what happens. Let me know if you want how it goes.
Thanks for your hard work. Good teachers are an essential part of a good future.
06 Aug 2014
by askdalimama
in Love & Relationships
Tags: advice column, am I obligated to marry, ask dali mama, commitment, dali mama, don’t want to get married, marriage, relationships, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I am a 53-year-old man and have never been married. I have been with my girlfriend for 9 years. She is pushing to get married, but I just don’t want to. I feel like I owe her because we’ve been together so long. Any advice?
–Feeling obligated (Canada)
DEAR FEELING OBLIGATED:
Be clear with her you don’t want to get married if you don’t want to get married. Obligation and guilt are not good reasons to make a lifelong commitment with someone.
Also, a marriage built on obligation is unlikely to succeed, much less last.
If you are very clear with her that you do not want to get married and never want to get married, it is her choice to stay or to go under those circumstances.
Also, if the two of you end up breaking up, if you want, be clear right from the get-go that you never wish to get married when you start dating someone (preferably before you sleep with them).
I wish you both whatever is for your individual and mutual highest good.
05 Aug 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, body insecurity, body issues, butt, dali mama, flat butt, loving your body, loving your butt, spiritual advice column, validating your body
DEAR DALI MAMA:
Hi. I just read your post on jealousy (from July 29, 2014) and it makes for interesting reading as I’m into a guy who loves big, curvy butts on women. He keeps talking about his love affair with big J.Lo-type butts…! I have a fairly flat, non-existent butt which I have never had an issue with before but with him I now feel a little insecure—what if my butt’s not sexy enough for him to find me attractive when the clothes come off…
Don’t think it’s a past life dynamic. But it makes me feel not good enough physically. What to do?
—Buttless (Ireland)
DEAR BUTTLESS:
Love your butt and, for that matter, your whole body exactly how it is. When you feel sexy, you are sexy.
Sometimes people may make comments like that to bring up insecurity in someone so they may have a better chance with him/her or to gauge if they have a chance with them if they get jealous. Sometimes people make comments like that because they’re just saying whatever pops into their head.
If he is not satisfied with you because you don’t have a bigger butt, he doesn’t deserve to be with your butt and you can make room for someone who appreciates your butt and all of you exactly how you are.
04 Aug 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, balance issues, clumsiness, clumsy, coordination, dali mama, doctor, grounded, grounding, klutzy, medical, spiritual advice column, ungrounded
DEAR DALI MAMA:
Why am I sometimes so klutzy and sometimes not? It’s weird.
–Semi-Klutz (United States)
DEAR SEMI:
Consult with your doctor and make sure there isn’t a medical cause for this.
Barring any medical issues, sometimes we can be very grounded and graceful—fully inhabiting our body, present in the moment on the physical plane, etc. Sometimes we can float around, mostly out of our body, which is when limbs tend to go akimbo and cracks in the sidewalk appear under our feet, and we start stumbling over things.
The more you can focus on being grounded and fully in your body, the less klutzy you will be.
Play with that and see!
02 Aug 2014
by askdalimama
in Love & Relationships, Sex
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, dating a married man, my boyfriend is married, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
My boyfriend is married. He says he no longer sleeps with his wife and that they have an understanding. I am really not feeling good about this, though. Is it ever okay to sleep with someone that’s married even in these circumstances?
–Doormat (United States)
DEAR DM (I so don’t want to call you “Doormat”:
I think the main issue here is that you don’t feel good about the situation and that you feel like a doormat for sleeping with someone even though he says he’s no longer sexually involved with his wife. Because of this, I would end it unless/until he is actually divorced.
Also, sometimes unfortunately some people say they have an understanding with their partner and are no longer sleeping with them but that is not always the truth. The energy is much cleaner and clearer if they’re either legally divorced or if his wife comes up to you and says, “Yeah, we’re married but no longer sleep together and you have my blessing.” Which is not terribly likely.
Even if you’re alone for a while, being alone and proud of your choices will be worth it and will create space for you to meet someone who is truly available.
01 Aug 2014
by askdalimama
in Sex
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, g-spot, heart, mind, penis size, spirit, spiritual advice column, vagina
DEAR DALI MAMA:
Do you think penis size matters to women? Women have told me it doesn’t but I wonder.
–Worried (Somewhere)
DEAR WORRIED:
The way you use your penis is probably much more important than its size. Also, the majority of the interior of the vaginal canal doesn’t really have a whole lot of nerve endings. It’s the outer third of the vagina, especially near the opening, that’s more sensitive.
Also, keep in mind the G-spot is generally within 1 to 3 inches from the vaginal opening. Maybe you could actually invent some cool technique with your assets and use it to target your woman’s G-spot perhaps.
Remember, too, that confidence is the sexiest thing in a man, so be confident and proud of your penis. Validate it and your woman will appreciate you (and it) all the more.
I would also add that your heart, your mind, and your spirit and the way you treat your woman are much more important and invaluable than anything that can be measured by a ruler.
At any rate, the woman who is right for you will love all of you and find your penis to be the perfect one for her.
31 Jul 2014
by askdalimama
in Money
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, friend is always borrowing me, lending money, loaning money, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
My friend is always short on money, which I don’t understand as she probably makes about the same amount as I do. She’s always borrowing money that she doesn’t pay back. Or sometimes she just “forgets” her wallet. How do I handle this?
–Not an ATM (CANADA)
DEAR NOT AN ATM:
I would address this the next time you and your friend make plans to do something together. Or wait until you are out and it happens again, which sounds like it would probably be the next time you are out together.
I would gently mention to her that she still owes you money and that you do not want to be the one always funding your joint excursions or lending her money that is not paid back. Ask her what is going on in a way that gives her space to be honest and see what happens. At the very least, it will make you feel better by clearing the air and then you can decide where you want to go from there.
NOTE TO READERS: I am offering my annual Celebrate Life special now. It is US$75 for 30 minutes or US$150 for an hour for an intuitive reading, a healing, or a combination of the two. (It is normally US$125 for 30 minutes or US$250 for an hour.) Of course, if you have just a quick question, you can always write it in to Dali Mama at no cost. I also offer free long-distance group healings the first Sunday of each month, in which case you’d email me with “FREE GROUP HEALING” in the subject line with your name, address, and healing requests. Email holdinglightproductions@yahoo.com to schedule an appointment or check out www.holdinglightproductions.com to find out more about my work. I can do appointments with you in any location via Skype, phone, or email.
30 Jul 2014
by askdalimama
in Love & Relationships
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, fear of hospitals, how to support a sick friend, sick friend, Skype, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
My friend is in the hospital and is very sick. He has cancer. My father died of cancer and I just can’t bear to go to the hospital. Is there anything I can do about this? How can I support my friend?
–Afraid (United States)
DEAR AFRAID:
It’s very natural and human to get scared about illness and hospitals, particularly when you lost your father to cancer.
Try just showing up to the hospital during visiting hours and just being there for him. Focus on him and how he’s feeling and be your wonderful self and show up and talk to him as your wonderful friend.
If you really can’t go to the hospital, though, don’t punish yourself and just do what you can. Call him every day (or maybe Skype him if he has Skype access there) or send him a magazine or a book of jokes or something that will make him laugh.
Whether you go to the hospital or not, know that you love him and let him know as well. It doesn’t matter so much HOW you do it if you’re doing the best you can. It just matters that you do it.
NOTE TO READERS: I am offering my annual Celebrate Life special now. It is US$75 for 30 minutes or US$150 for an hour for an intuitive reading, a healing, or a combination of the two. (It is normally US$125 for 30 minutes or US$250 for an hour.) Of course, if you have just a quick question, you can always write it in to Dali Mama at no cost. I also offer free long-distance group healings the first Sunday of each month, in which case you’d email me with “FREE GROUP HEALING” in the subject line with your name, address, and healing requests. Email holdinglightproductions@yahoo.com to schedule an appointment or check out www.holdinglightproductions.com to find out more about my work. I can do appointments with you in any location via Skype, phone, or email.
29 Jul 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, jealousy, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I have been going out with a new guy for 9 months. Sometimes I get so jealous, I feel a little crazy. What is going on? I’m not usually a jealous girl.
–Borderline (United States)
DEAR BORDERLINE:
In this particular situation, it looks like there are some past-life dynamics going on. However, it is also an opportunity for you to work through the triggers that make you jealous and to release any areas of insecurity about yourself.
Start by paying attention to insecurities you have about yourself, or any ideas that you are not enough for whatever reason. For example, if you get jealous when you see someone who is vivacious and charming, notice if you are not allowing your inner sparkle and sense of humor to show. Then consciously start allowing yourself to show more of your own charm and sparkle without feeling like you are competing with anyone else. It is not about anyone else—it is more about how you feel about yourself.
Play with this and see what happens as you release any insecurities and let more and more of your inner light to shine.
NOTE TO READERS: I am offering my annual Celebrate Life special now. It is US$75 for 30 minutes or US$150 for an hour for an intuitive reading, a healing, or a combination of the two. (It is normally US$125 for 30 minutes or US$250 for an hour.) Of course, if you have just a quick question, you can always write it in to Dali Mama at no cost. I also offer free long-distance group healings the first Sunday of each month, in which case you’d email me with “FREE GROUP HEALING” in the subject line with your name, address, and healing requests. Email holdinglightproductions@yahoo.com to schedule an appointment or check out www.holdinglightproductions.com to find out more about my work. I can do appointments with you in any location via Skype, phone, or email.
28 Jul 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, balance, dali mama, responsibilities, spiritual advice column, volunteer activities, volunteering
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I’m on all these PTA committees and church committees and other charity and community organizations. I’ve been volunteering for years. Lately, however, I’ve lost interest in all these activities and am feeling cross about any and all of it. What is going on?
–Becoming a Curmudgeon (United States)
DEAR BECOMING:
Honor your feelings. Either take a sabbatical from all of your volunteer responsibilities or quit them entirely. It sounds like you need to get more in balance, spending time on yourself and your passions and hobbies instead of having all of your energy going outwards to everyone else.
Doing this will help keep you healthy and in balance, and make you even better at whatever activities you decide to volunteer with in the future, should you decide to return to any of your previous commitments. It will also create space for you to do what you want and that might end up helping even more people in an even more effective way.
Give yourself a chance to do what you want and see what happens to your perspectives and interest. You might find this leads you in a whole different direction full of new adventures and delights.
NOTE TO READERS: I invite you to write in with your own questions either in the comments section or by emailing askdalimama@gmail.com.
27 Jul 2014
by askdalimama
in Sunday's Share
Tags: ask dali mama, dali mama, e.e. cummings, jean beal, poem, poetry, poetry place, prayer, thank god
Today’s I’d like to feature an abbreviated version of the poem, i thank You God for this most amazing” by e. e. cummings. (From Jane Beal at http://thepoetryplace.wordpress.com/2009/06/01/i-thank-you-god-for-most-this-amazing/, the Poetry Place blog—check it out to read the full version and all kinds of wonderful poems.)
“i thank You God for most this amazing” by e.e. cummings
i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes
how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any–lifted from the no
of all nothing–human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?
(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)
e.e. cummings
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