Ask Dali Mama

DEAR DALI MAMA:

What’s the best way to forgive? I want to be a forgiving person but I just can’t let something go.

—Still Angry (Japan)

DEAR S.A.:

Thank you so much for asking that question. Forgiving someone or something can be challenging indeed. Practice seeing the divine in that person or the divine lessons in a situation. See too the imperfect human or less-than-ideal situation while seeing the divine perfection.

If it helps, think about times when you did things that others found unforgivable and recognize that those things you did were all steps to you learning how to be a better and wiser person.

Thank you for being loving enough to ask this question.

Blessings.

DEAR DALI MAMA:

Is there just one right person for each one of us? I think I met that person but blew it. Is this it for me?

—Alone (Canada)

DEAR A.:

Sometimes we may feel like we blew our one chance at happiness with a certain person, but there are infinite chances for us. You might even consider that because it is over with a certain person, maybe they weren’t the “right” person for you—or perhaps they were simply the right person to learn a particular lesson with.

You will meet someone else who is a wonderful match for you when you let go of the energy of holding onto a past love and open space for someone else who is the right match for you now.

Wishing you much love.

DEAR DALI MAMA:

How can you tell if a woman is interested in you as just a friend or romantically?

—Shy Guy (United States)

DEAR SHY GUY:

That’s a great question as sometimes discerning the difference can be very subtle, and can vary from person to person, and sometimes according to someone’s cultural, family, and religious backgrounds.

If you can, notice how the woman you’re interested in treats the people around her—both male and female, friends and close friends. If she is generally a friendly and extroverted person, it may be a little more difficult to tell but you can still look for little cues. If she is shy or more introverted, maybe she blushes more or seems more nervous or even may clam up. If she is extroverted, does she tend to touch you more than she does her other friends (both male and female)? Or maybe she’ll reach out more to you or ask you to call her or text you a lot just to say hi. You can also scope out if she’s seeing someone by asking her things like how was her weekend.

If she seems open, maybe ultimately you need to just follow your heart and make your interest known by making a romantic gesture like giving her flowers or inviting her on a date, stating, “I’d love to take you on a date,” so there’s no misunderstanding. Even if she is interested in being platonic friends only, she’ll respect you for putting yourself out there and expressing your feelings and you can stand tall with pride for being a man with the courage to follow and express his heart.

DEAR DALI MAMA:

My friends have told me I’m judgmental but I don’t feel like I ever act judgmental to them. What’s going on? It’s not just a couple friends who have told me that, but a number of people who have mentioned that to me over the years.

—Worried (United States)

DEAR W.:

I applaud you in looking for the truth in a case where many don’t have the courage to look within to see if something is the truth or not. Because you’ve heard this comment not once but a number of times and because you’re thinking about it, it’s probably a sign that there is some judgment energy to look at within yourself.

Even if you are not judgmental towards your friends, perhaps they have noticed you being judgmental towards others. Most likely, you may also be judgmental towards yourself. Also, people often pick up on not just words or actions, but energies as well.

Oftentimes, we may so in a particular energy that we don’t even notice that this is the case, particularly when we were raised in those energies so we don’t recognize a different way to be until we choose to be conscious of it.

Practice validation and acceptance towards others as well as towards yourself. Have fun doing this and notice if your relationship with others as well as with yourself starts to shift.

Enjoy the journey, friend.

DEAR DALI MAMA:

One of my friends is always gossiping about our friends and I feel very uncomfortable. How should I handle this?

—Uncomfortable (United States)

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE:

First, be very careful what you say to this friend because he/she is likely to gossip about you in the same way he/she does about others.

Second, you might want to mention you don’t feel comfortable hearing gossip about your other friends. If the gossiping continues after this point, change the subject to something more positive. You might want to also consider if you really want to spend as much time with this friend.

Great awareness of your feelings in this energy. Thank you.

DEAR DALI MAMA:

I think my friend is being abused by her boyfriend. What should I do?

—Concerned (United States)

DEAR CONCERNED:

Thank you for your concern. Can you talk to your friend neutrally and without judgment and try to suss out what is going on in more detail? If you can get her to talk, you can find out more about what is happening and go from there. Is there a reason you think her boyfriend is abusing her? For example, if you have seen bruises on her, ask her neutrally what happened. If your intuition is telling you something is going on, you might want to talk to someone in common who can help. Perhaps there is a school counselor or pastor or someone who can help. If not, you may need to contact her family for assistance.

Please follow up in some way with someone who has the power to help you or who can direct you to community resources. If you can’t find anyone, please email me again and I will give you some contacts if you like me know what state you are in. Your friend is lucky to have you in her life. Bless you.