21 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, relationship counselor, sex drive, spiritual advice column, wife doesn’t want to have sex often
DEAR DALI MAMA:
My wife almost never wants to have sex anymore and I am feeling very frustrated. We’ve only been married three years. What happens if it goes downhill from now? I don’t know if I can live like this the rest of my life.
–Worried (Taiwan)
DEAR WORRIED:
Start by having a conversation with your wife. Is she under stress lately? Is she on certain medications that might be affecting her libido? Sometimes hormone imbalances can affect sex drive as well.
Is there something that would put her more in the mood? Maybe having more help around the house, spending more quality alone time together outside of the bedroom, more foreplay (which begins truly way before either of you get in the bedroom), spicing things up by playing with new positions or toys, or something else?
Start by talking to each other about what’s going on and also having her talk to her doctor to see if there might be a medical reason for her decreased sex drive. Depending on what her doctor says, you both might want to see a relationship therapist as well.
If your marriage is otherwise solid, I hope you will both do what it takes to get this aspect of your marriage back on a happy track. Most of all, remind her that you love her.
READERS: Thank you for joining us. Please feel free to write in your own questions, either in this comment section or by emailing askdalimama@gmail.com.
20 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, betrayal, dali mama, domination, emotional betrayal, financial betrayal, intimacy, punishment, relationship counseling, s & m, sex, sexual betrayal, spiritual advice column, submission
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I recently found out my boyfriend of several years has been into S&M and has been frequenting a dominatrix. We have been living together for two years and I found out because of strange and repeated large charges of $250-$500 at a time on our credit card. I don’t know how I could have not known this was going on and feel that this is the breaking point of our relationship. Can it be salvaged or is there even any point? I feel like I don’t even know who he is. That I never ever actually knew him.
–Confused & Hurt (United States)
DEAR CONFUSED & HURT:
I completely understand how your confusion and pain. This is a case of financial betrayal as well as emotional and sexual betrayal, although S & M is a lot more about control and punishment and domination and submission than it is about intimacy and sex.
I suggest you start by both seeing a relationship counselor as well as individual counseling and that you get a little more neutral to the situation first, and then decide on what is the best course of action for you. Either way, it will help you process what happened whether you decide to stay or to go.
You might also want to talk to your individual therapist or counselor about the possibility of separating out your finances, at least for now, so you are not liable for such charges if they put your finances in a precarious position.
19 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, discipline, punishment, sciatica, spanking, spiritual advice column, violence
DEAR DALI MAMA:
What do you think of spanking? Is it bad to spank a child, even lightly? That was how I was brought up and I am doing fine but I have heard that spanking children, even lightly, is not good for them. What do you think?
–Mom (United States)
DEAR MOM:
Although many of us were brought up being spanked as discipline (myself included), I prefer to teach children through positive reinforcement. Spanking, even light spanking, is still violence and is humiliating and disempowering to boot. Is that really what we want to teach our young people? To NOT do things because of fear of punishment rather than to strive for excellence for other self-motivated reasons? Some studies suggest that spanking might even be related to physical issues such as sciatica.
Here’s an interesting site by Jordan Riak I came across from Parents and Teachers Against Violence in Education (PTAVE) that addresses spanking: http://nospank.net/pt2011.htm. Read it if you want and take what resonates for you.
17 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, creating new rituals, dali mama, escaping feelings, escapism, lonely, lungs, popping out of your body, quitting smoking, replacing rituals, smoking, smoking addiction, smoking triggers, spiritual advice column, stress, unconscious, validate, validation, walk
DEAR DALI MAMA:
Do you have any suggestions on quitting smoking?
–Hacking and Harried (England)
DEAR H&H:
Congratulations on deciding to quit.
To start, notice what you notice about smoking? Do you have particular triggers that make you want to smoke? For example, do you always want to smoke after eating? Do what you can to make small switches to triggers to make it easier to quit. For example, if you always want to smoke after a meal, make a new post-meal ritual to replace the smoking, like going for a short walk instead of lighting up after each meal. Your body and your lungs will thank you.
Also notice—do you jones for a cigarette when you’re in a certain type of mood? For example, do you grab a cigarette when you feel lonely or stressed? If so, just sit with whatever emotion you’re experiencing and just have it for a while and let it be okay. Often, people smoke as a way to pop out of their body to escape from uncomfortable feelings. Unfortunately, however, the feelings and issues are still there (and probably have increased) by popping out and going unconscious to the feelings by smoking. So just notice what you notice and let those energies be before lighting up.
Also validate that you are senior to smoking, to cigarettes. Validate your power and your power to choose yourself, your health, and your prosperity, over giving your power (and health and money) to a corporation that wants to profit off of your dependence on their product.
16 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, family history, family trees, meaning of name, names, significance of names, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
Do you think a baby’s name is particularly important? My wife and I have been thinking of a lot of different names for our baby who is due this fall, including family names of our mothers and grandmothers but we don’t actually really like any of those names even though we’d love to honor them in some way and feel obligated to use some of the names, even if they’re just as middle names, particularly because it’s a family tradition to pass down these names. Any advice?
–Nameless (Brazil)
DEAR NAMELESS:
I do think one’s name is important energetically. It’s up to you and your wife to decide which is more important energetically—choosing a name that honors someone including someone that’s already passed or the inherent energy/meaning of a name. There are a lot of great websites you can google for the history and meaning of particular names for different countries. If you wish, choose a name that you love and that has a meaning you would be proud to call your child.
I understand the feeling of obligation to pass down a family name to your child. Perhaps one option is that you and your wife could create a family tree like my grandfather would make for all of us in the extended family. The family tree would have each person’s name and birth information. You can do one for the baby that includes extended family on both sides of the family, thus honoring Auntie Whatsmyname or any other predecessors, and give a copy to every member of the extended family, saying you started this tradition to honor all of the people in the family, including the ancestors that came before. And as your daughter grows older, you can work with her to keep the family tree updated, sending copies to the relatives at a later date and inviting them to join in online as a family project to keep the family tree current. Perhaps that will give permission to NOT use the family names for other relatives that may also wish they didn’t have to keep passing down certain names that they may not care for either.
15 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, asking for a raise, bank account, dali mama, getting a raise, prosperity, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
What are your suggestions for getting a raise? Energetically speaking, that is.
–Vying for a raise (United States)
DEAR VYING:
Other than the basics that I’m sure you know (working hard, showing initiative, making yourself essential and letting others know that you are, etc.), energetically, it is important to first practicing having the raise. Feel the raise in your body—what it feels like to put that increased check into your bank account, feeling the prosperity energetically, emotionally, mentally, physically, etc.
If you notice yourself feeling you need the raise or are desperate for the raise, that’s a sign you’re not really having the energy of your raise. Play with having this energy first as you go about doing all of the necessary things on the physical plane to ensure it happens. Then, when you have all of the energy of the raise and any other bounty of the universe already within you, go and ask for your raise equipped with knowledge on standard pay in your industry in your region, a list of what you’ve contributed to your department and your company, and anything that will support your receiving this raise.
14 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, facebook, high-school sweetheart, longing, marriage, painting, passion, reconnecting with an old flame, reconnecting with an old sweetheart, respect, romantic weekend, spiritual advice column, trust
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I am married and have been to a wonderful man for 20 years. I can’t help thinking about my high-school sweetheart from time to time, though. Sometimes I dream about him too. Should I contact my old sweetheart? I’ve seen him on my former classmates’ Facebook pages but have not friended him nor has he friended me.
–Longing for Someone from My Past (United States)
DEAR LONGING:
First, I would think about what you’re hoping to achieve by contacting your old high-school sweetheart. Are you hoping to rekindle things with him? Are you happy in your marriage? Do you love your husband? Are you willing to give him up for someone who may or may no longer be the person you used to know? And maybe he never even really was the person you thought he was. These are just a few of the questions to start with as you make your decision whether or not to contact him.
Also, I recommend your talking to your husband about this before contacting this man from your past. I’m a bit old-fashioned this way—trust in a marriage is sacred and is very difficult to rebuild once it is broken. Marriages may look completely different for each couple but trust and respect are keys foundations for every successful marriage no matter what type of marriage it is. If you don’t want to tell your husband you are contacting this man, is it because you have something to hide?
Just think about these different factors and notice what you notice. Sometimes we long for someone but what we’re really longing for is what that person symbolizes—the person you were when you knew him, the innocence or passion of your life at the time, or something else entirely.
You might want to start by examining this. If you’re longing for the passion or excitement of that time, how can you create it in your current life? Perhaps a romantic weekend with your husband playing with new positions or energies in a fresh environment. Or maybe a weekend oil-painting workshop if you’ve always loved art and longed to paint. Start by giving yourself whatever it is you feel you are missing in your life before trying to create it from anything external and just notice what happens.
If you feel something is missing in your relationship with your husband, give yourself that energy (for example, through classes, fun adventures, simple breaks in your routines, or a weekend on your own) and let it spread through all aspects of your life, including your marriage.
NOTE TO READERS: TODAY I DISCOVERED AWONDERFUL FEATURE ON WORDPRESS WHERE YOU CAN SCHEDULE YOUR PRE-WRITTEN BLOGS. SO NOW I CAN JUST DO THAT IN ADVANCE WHEN I’M GOING TO BE ON THE ROAD. I HAD WISHED SUCH A FEATURE EXISTED, AND VOILA! ISN’T THAT OFTEN THE CASE THAT WHAT WE SEEK IS RIGHT UNDER OUR NOSES? HA HA.
13 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, conversation, dali mama, dialogue, is it okay for a woman to make a move on a man, kissing, making a move on a guy, platonic friendship, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I have been friends with this guy for years and I really like him. Do you think it’s okay for the girl to make a move on someone? Or how do I let him know that I’m interested in being more than friends if it’s not ok?
–Interested (Canada)
DEAR INTERESTED:
Well, I am not known for my subtlety in romantic situations but I’ll do my best to answer your question. Ha ha.
I believe it’s completely fine for whomever is interested (male or female) in someone who is available (male or female) to make the first move or to express interest.
Be aware that, since you’ve been friends a long time, it is possible that he may just think of you platonically. It is also possible he is interested but is either shy or believes you only think of him as a friend. It is also possible that although you both are just friends now, he might be open to exploring the possibility of something more with you if you open the door by either broaching the topic or doing something more demonstrative, perhaps a kiss on the mouth where you linger long enough to know if he’s into or not. If you kiss him, give him time and space to have whatever reaction he has. Either way, you’ll never know unless you go for it.
Me, I’d much rather go for something I want than to not go for it and wonder.
If he does not reciprocate your romantic feelings, you might feel a bit awkward briefly but this awkwardness will probably only last between you for as long as you hold any awkward feelings or embarrassment. If you let it go, so will he.
No matter his response, I congratulate you for the courage of expressing your feelings and going for what you want. For that, you should only be proud, no matter the outcome.
12 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, effort, ejaculation, female ejaculation, orgasm, orgasmic, perfect pictures, resistance, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
Years ago, I had an ejaculation as a female. I have since been trying to replicate the experience but never could. What advice do you have so that I can do it again? It was out of this world and I want so badly to do it again.
–Trying (New Zealand)
DEAR TRYING:
The very act of trying to recreate a particular experience, whether it’s female ejaculation, a magical date, or a performance of a song you sang really well, creates a resistance that ultimately blocks the energy.
There are some great books about sex and female ejaculation. I recommend you read them and play on your own and with a partner and really be in the moment, enjoying whatever happens with no particular attachment to a specific outcome. Also, let go of any pictures of you have or how it has to happen or pictures of it needing to be “perfect.” That way, you open up the energy to have another wonderful orgasmic experience, whether you ejaculate or not.
Perhaps it can be even more amazing once you give it space and permission to unfold in whatever unique way it will happen next time.
Have fun with that. I am sure you will. Ha ha.
11 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: Ansel Adams, art gallery, ask dali mama, black and white photography, dali mama, photographer, photography, sunday share, University of Rochester, William Giles
I had the pleasure of meeting photographer William Giles last weekend. He is an extraordinary photographer whose work gives me goosebumps. He spoke to me about how everything is light.
He studied with Ansel Adams, among other greats, and now share his unique knowledge and experience with others in his own workshops. He taught at university and also served as Chairman of the Dept. of Photography at the University of Rochester. Read “About Will” to learn more about his fascinating life on his website, which is http://www.williamgiles.com. Check out his gallery in particular. I especially love the photograph of the owl. I had to stand and stare at it for a long time when I first saw it. It is still with me whenever I close my eyes.
10 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, agreements, ask dali mama, cheating, dali mama, honesty, negotiating, negotiating agreements in a relationship, openness, spiritual advice column, what is cheating
DEAR DALI MAMA:
What constitutes cheating in a relationship? My girlfriend whom I’ve been dating for three years had coffee with an ex and kissed him, which I consider cheating. She thinks I am overreacting. What is your opinion?
–Not a Happy Camper (Canada)
DEAR NOT A HAPPY CAMPER:
Every couple must negotiate the rules of what is acceptable and not acceptable in their specific relationship. Did you know she was going to have coffee with her ex, or did they run into each other on the spur of the moment? Perhaps if she planned to have coffee with her ex, she should have let you know in advance. And as far as the kissing, was it a peck on the cheek, a quick kiss on the mouth, or more?
Every couple has different expectations and agreements. Some couples are even polyamorous, allowing each other to have sex with others with the consent and knowledge of their partner. But for any couple, the main issue is trust and respect.
Ideally, the couple should discuss up front what is acceptable and unacceptable and make agreements with each other accordingly and no one should ever deceive their partner or keep them in the dark.
It sounds like perhaps your girlfriend was up front with you in letting you know she kissed her ex (unless you found out some other way). That being said, if your relationship has been solid and enjoyable in most ways, think about whether you want to give up all of that because of one kiss.
This is a good opportunity for the two of you to sit down and discuss what your expectations are of each other and to set guidelines for what you each consider acceptable or unacceptable behavior, and to make agreements on how the two of you us will move forward in the future.
Perhaps this is a good opportunity to also think about where the two of us are going as a couple as well if you both wish to move forward.
Wishing both of you whatever is for your highest good.
09 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, exes, orphan, orphan magnet, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
Five of my exes have been orphans. What’s up with that? I don’t even know that they’re orphans when I meet them and we first start going out.
–Male Orphan Magnet (United States)
DEAR MAGNET:
That is a very interesting pattern in your life and I congratulate you for looking at this. I’m assuming you’re not an orphan yourself as you did not mention being one, in which case do you notice yourself taking on the role of healer in relationships, thereby attracting someone that is looking for a knight in shining armor, a savior, or perhaps a parental figure?
If you want, when you’re dating, notice if you are drawn to people you want to help or if you are putting out vibes of being a helper instead of an equal partner/helpmate. Also notice if there’s a part of you that needs to do for people instead of simply being in a relationship. Also notice—do you feel like you need to DO for someone in order to be able to have a relationship? That perhaps you do not feel worthy of being in a relationship by simply being, not doing?
Have fun noticing these dynamics and creating whatever dynamics you want.
08 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, job, nepotism, owner’s son, passive-aggressive co-worker, sloppy co-worker, spiritual advice column, work
DEAR DALI MAMA:
How can I deal with nepotism on the job? One of my co-workers, the owner’s son, deserves to be let go but he knows he’ll never be fired. He’s even said so. He always leaves work behind for the rest of us to finish (it’s a small company with a small staff) and is very sloppy in the work he does do, creating problems for all of us and for the company. He is very passive-aggressive and it’s extremely aggravating. How can we deal with this problem?
–Aggravated (United States)
DEAR AGGRAVATED:
Do the best you can at your job and pay attention to how much (if anything) the owner is actually willing to hear about his/her son or the situation before speaking to him/her, if you even decide to. As far as the son, tread lightly as well and pay attention to how the son might draw his parent into work dramas and use his position to alienate any co-workers who refuse to enable his behavior.
I can imagine that this is a very frustrating situation. Try, however, to be neutral and perhaps even amused at the comedy inherent in the situation—this will make it easier to shift the energies.
In your particular case, I suggest you notice any energetic matches you have with the owner. For example, what choices are you making in your own life that go against your best interests? For example, think about people you try to help in your own life or include who are actually working against you or your interests in some way or who simply don’t care about your needs or wants. Also consider if there are any areas in your life that you haven’t paid attention to—thinking about or even knowing what some of your own needs are, any areas in which you’re doing the lion’s share of work or responsibilities in your personal life as well as professional life, etc. Then intend to reset the energies of your life (career, family, friendships, etc.) to support you in your wholeness and divinity.
Enjoy shifting the energy and noticing what happens as you do so.
07 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: ask dali mama, balance, dali mama, getting things done, grounding, healthy, relax, releasing energies, rest, sanity, validation
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I meditate and do my best to stay grounded everyday, but I feel like I am doggy paddling through the day. I also have been hitting waves of numbness… I wonder if this is because I am popping out of my body or if I am releasing all that needs to release with all the new energies we are encountering on the planet. The question is (or maybe this is the second question?) How do I get everything done that needs to get done and keep my sanity and health?
–Wondering (United States)
DEAR WONDERING:
Looking at the energy, I see you are both occasionally popping out as well as releasing a lot of the numbness that kept you from feeling the energies that weren’t yours that you are letting go of now so you can really feel all of your own feelings that will help you proceed forward on your spirit’s true path.
As far as getting things done, create space outside of your aura layers for the energies you are releasing while staying grounded. Just notice and say hello to the eneriges you’re releasing that aren’t yours, but don’t resist them or give any energy to the energies you’re letting go of. Just have all of your energy for yourself, your health, and your balanced self and have your energy for what you want that you are in the process of creating,
In addition, keep validating each little step that you complete towards your end goal and that will help the energies flow more smoothly to keep supporting you.
Also create extra time and space to rest and relax and spend time alone so you can benefit fully from these changes that are happening while continuing to make space for yourself to integrate all of these new energies.
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