26 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, annoying characteristics, ask dali mama, comparisons, compatibility, dali mama, dealbreakers, soulmate, spiritual advice column, twin flame
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I recently found out that my twin flame hasn’t incarnated with me on Earth this lifetime and initially this was a bit of a shock. So I want to know how I can find as close a fit to him as possible in the form of someone else—or is that just not a healthy thing to do…?
Also, what if you meet a soulmate that has a couple of annoying aspects in their personality? Do you just put up and shut up (hoping they’ll change and heal with time) or do you move on to someone else? What should be the deciding factor?
–Desperately Seeking M’Soulmate (Bolivia)
DEAR DESPERATELY SEEKING M’SOULMATE:
I’ll try to answer your questions one by one. It’s wonderful you’re thinking about these things.
As far as looking for someone who is the closest match to your twin flame, I would suggest not doing so. Instead, you might want to think both generally and specifically about what qualities are important to you in a mate and in your ideal relationship and look for someone with those qualities whose ideal relationship matches yours as much as possible.
If you are looking for someone with the intention of him being the closet thing possible to your twin flame, it’s very invalidating for your potential suitors, and you would also be holding them to an impossible ideal to measure up to because how could he possibly measure up in any way to your twin flame who, because he isn’t incarnate at the time, doesn’t have to deal with bills or jobs or worry or stress or insecurity or the other dense energies of the planet? After all, an incarnate human, no matter how exceptional their spirit is, can never match up to some abstract ideal of a spirit who doesn’t have the challenges of being on the earthly plane.
And of course, I’m guessing likewise you wouldn’t feel very good about the situation if your partner compared you to some impossible ideal, whether it’s his twin flame who is not incarnate in this lifetime or an ex or a wife who passed away at an early age or some celebrity or to anybody else for that matter. That would do neither of you any good at all.
As far as meeting a soulmate with a couple of annoying aspects in their personality, I’d be amazed and thankful if they just had a couple. Ha ha. Every single one of us humans are replete with annoying aspects and the funny thing (even though it doesn’t always seem funny) is the most annoying aspects are those that match our own challenges in one way or another. Also, the thing about soulmates is that we have soul agreements with each other to bring to light some of the oldest and gnarliest pain or lies or whatever else has been tamped down inside of you that is not really you, and that process is not always fun. Not in the least. Of course, there’s always free will so you can run away from these lessons and always try again at a later date or lifetime, but I always like to go for the growth now.
Finally, I suggest that you never date or marry someone, soulmate or not, hoping they will change. If you can’t live with them exactly as they are, don’t marry them. Don’t even date them once you discover any dealbreakers (and each person must decide for themselves what those dealbreakers are). Hopefully your dealbreakers are misalignments to your core values, not things like that he wears socks with Birkenstocks or anything less pertinent to true compatibility.
Another even funnier thing is that you may run away from someone because of their annoying facets, but you’ll soon discover that no matter how many times you move on, you’ll move onto someone new and discover their own unique set of annoying facets. You’ll also probably find they have annoying facets that are very similar to the ones you ran away from because you left the last relationship without addressing what you needed to learn from that relationship and without releasing your own matches to those energies you found extremely annoying.
Only you can decide what is most important to you and what the deciding factors or dealbreakers are. However, keep in mind that we all are imperfectly perfect as humans and that’s part of the package for us all. Knowing this, if you want, practice validating and seeing the divine in every single person you come across and that will open up the space for love with the person who is right for you in the moment
24 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, conversation, dali mama, internet, meditation, quiet, radio, spiritual advice column, stillness, time for yourself, tv, walking meditation
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I have just developed an interest in meditation. How should I go about pursuing that? I tried to do the exercises of grounding and running energy that you send for free but even that seems a little difficult for me. How best to start?
–Curious (United States)
DEAR CURIOUS:
Keep at the exercises I sent you, doing even 10 minutes a day or maybe 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes before you go to sleep if you can. Even if you can’t quite feel the energy yet, set your intention and just follow along with the exercise. Eventually, over time, you will develop more awareness on your meditation as your body gets accustomed to doing these meditations.
Another thing I suggest is simply to carve out time for stillness and quiet. For example, take at least 15 minutes a day of silence—no tv, no radio, no Internet, no conversation and hopefully others will leave you in peace for a little while every day. In other words, no distractions from yourself. Perhaps you can let loved ones know that every morning, you will be taking quiet time for yourself at a certain time and not to come in when you’re meditating.
You can also do your own version of walking meditation—walking in a park or a forest trail or something, but in completely silence, with no headphones or Ipod, only your thoughts. That’s a great way to start—simply taking time for just you and your thoughts. Notice what thoughts come up for you and don’t try to solve anything or fix any problems. Just notice what you notice and let the thoughts float away, just letting yourself be in the moment.
Enjoy the exploration.
23 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, choosing between two lovers, choosing between two men, dali mama, financial stability, passion, spiritual advice column, wholeness
DEAR DALI MAMA:
How do you choose between two men, both good men but very different from each other? One is financially stable and responsible and kind and reliable and very intellectually stimulating. One is truly a god in between the sheets and is fun and spontaneous and adventurous. How to choose between such two very different men?
–Torn between Two Lovers (United States)
DEAR TORN:
Well, that is a good question. Can you just have both of them? Ha ha. Barring that option, there are some issues to consider.
First, know that no one human being, no matter how wonderful, can ever fulfill your every need or expectation. That being said, it is important to validate and nurture your own wholeness and to develop the kinds of qualities you are looking for in a mate and to infuse your life with those qualities you wish for.
If you want someone financially stability, have you developed your own solid financial foundation? If you want someone who is adventurous, have you fostered your own sense of adventure? If you want someone reliable, are you reliable for others and reliable for yourself?
Also keep in mind that the sex comprises a comparatively small part of each day and the passion, for many couples at least, doesn’t necessarily burn as hot after a while, along there are things couples can do to keep those fires burning.
You’ll have to decide what your priorities are as you make this choice. One thing to look at is the possibility of bringing in more passion into your relationship with the first partner if that is what you want. Or bringing in more stability (if that is what you want) into your relationship with the second man. Notice too how you feel about yourself when you are with each man. Do you feel more yourself when you are with one or the other? How do each of them push you to grow in each relationship? That being said, follow your heart, my friend.
22 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, coming out, courage, dali mama, freedom, homosexuality, partner is closeted, partner is in the closet, relationship counselor, sexuality, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I have been out of the closet since I was 17 and am in a relationship with a man who is still very much in the closet even though he claims to be out. He told his parents that he is gay but refuses to tell anyone at work about me. I have been to his office after hours and there’s not even a photo of me on his desk or anywhere else in his office. I’m guessing that none of his colleagues even know I exist or know that he is with anyone. I’ve never been invited to any of his company holiday parties even though I feel his company, though conservative, is at least open-minded enough for him to bring me to social functions. I am getting tired of this as it has been four years and I feel I am being kept in the closet with my partner due to his refusal to really claim me as his partner to all of the world. What do you recommend?
–One Foot Out (United States)
DEAR ONE FOOT OUT:
Only you can decide what you need to do. The question to ask yourself is whether the joy and fulfillment you have with him outweighs the resentment and frustration of feeling invisible and hidden in your partner’s life. A relationship counselor might be able to help both of you understand each other’s perspectives in this situation as well to help you as you make your decision.
Also, no one can truly keep you in the closet if you’re out. Be proud of who you are and of your sexuality and don’t take your partner’s reluctance to be public with you personally. You were amazingly self-aware and courageous to come out as a teenager but sometimes others may need more time to have that same level of courage and freedom.
21 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, relationship counselor, sex drive, spiritual advice column, wife doesn’t want to have sex often
DEAR DALI MAMA:
My wife almost never wants to have sex anymore and I am feeling very frustrated. We’ve only been married three years. What happens if it goes downhill from now? I don’t know if I can live like this the rest of my life.
–Worried (Taiwan)
DEAR WORRIED:
Start by having a conversation with your wife. Is she under stress lately? Is she on certain medications that might be affecting her libido? Sometimes hormone imbalances can affect sex drive as well.
Is there something that would put her more in the mood? Maybe having more help around the house, spending more quality alone time together outside of the bedroom, more foreplay (which begins truly way before either of you get in the bedroom), spicing things up by playing with new positions or toys, or something else?
Start by talking to each other about what’s going on and also having her talk to her doctor to see if there might be a medical reason for her decreased sex drive. Depending on what her doctor says, you both might want to see a relationship therapist as well.
If your marriage is otherwise solid, I hope you will both do what it takes to get this aspect of your marriage back on a happy track. Most of all, remind her that you love her.
READERS: Thank you for joining us. Please feel free to write in your own questions, either in this comment section or by emailing askdalimama@gmail.com.
20 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, betrayal, dali mama, domination, emotional betrayal, financial betrayal, intimacy, punishment, relationship counseling, s & m, sex, sexual betrayal, spiritual advice column, submission
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I recently found out my boyfriend of several years has been into S&M and has been frequenting a dominatrix. We have been living together for two years and I found out because of strange and repeated large charges of $250-$500 at a time on our credit card. I don’t know how I could have not known this was going on and feel that this is the breaking point of our relationship. Can it be salvaged or is there even any point? I feel like I don’t even know who he is. That I never ever actually knew him.
–Confused & Hurt (United States)
DEAR CONFUSED & HURT:
I completely understand how your confusion and pain. This is a case of financial betrayal as well as emotional and sexual betrayal, although S & M is a lot more about control and punishment and domination and submission than it is about intimacy and sex.
I suggest you start by both seeing a relationship counselor as well as individual counseling and that you get a little more neutral to the situation first, and then decide on what is the best course of action for you. Either way, it will help you process what happened whether you decide to stay or to go.
You might also want to talk to your individual therapist or counselor about the possibility of separating out your finances, at least for now, so you are not liable for such charges if they put your finances in a precarious position.
19 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, discipline, punishment, sciatica, spanking, spiritual advice column, violence
DEAR DALI MAMA:
What do you think of spanking? Is it bad to spank a child, even lightly? That was how I was brought up and I am doing fine but I have heard that spanking children, even lightly, is not good for them. What do you think?
–Mom (United States)
DEAR MOM:
Although many of us were brought up being spanked as discipline (myself included), I prefer to teach children through positive reinforcement. Spanking, even light spanking, is still violence and is humiliating and disempowering to boot. Is that really what we want to teach our young people? To NOT do things because of fear of punishment rather than to strive for excellence for other self-motivated reasons? Some studies suggest that spanking might even be related to physical issues such as sciatica.
Here’s an interesting site by Jordan Riak I came across from Parents and Teachers Against Violence in Education (PTAVE) that addresses spanking: http://nospank.net/pt2011.htm. Read it if you want and take what resonates for you.
17 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, creating new rituals, dali mama, escaping feelings, escapism, lonely, lungs, popping out of your body, quitting smoking, replacing rituals, smoking, smoking addiction, smoking triggers, spiritual advice column, stress, unconscious, validate, validation, walk
DEAR DALI MAMA:
Do you have any suggestions on quitting smoking?
–Hacking and Harried (England)
DEAR H&H:
Congratulations on deciding to quit.
To start, notice what you notice about smoking? Do you have particular triggers that make you want to smoke? For example, do you always want to smoke after eating? Do what you can to make small switches to triggers to make it easier to quit. For example, if you always want to smoke after a meal, make a new post-meal ritual to replace the smoking, like going for a short walk instead of lighting up after each meal. Your body and your lungs will thank you.
Also notice—do you jones for a cigarette when you’re in a certain type of mood? For example, do you grab a cigarette when you feel lonely or stressed? If so, just sit with whatever emotion you’re experiencing and just have it for a while and let it be okay. Often, people smoke as a way to pop out of their body to escape from uncomfortable feelings. Unfortunately, however, the feelings and issues are still there (and probably have increased) by popping out and going unconscious to the feelings by smoking. So just notice what you notice and let those energies be before lighting up.
Also validate that you are senior to smoking, to cigarettes. Validate your power and your power to choose yourself, your health, and your prosperity, over giving your power (and health and money) to a corporation that wants to profit off of your dependence on their product.
16 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, family history, family trees, meaning of name, names, significance of names, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
Do you think a baby’s name is particularly important? My wife and I have been thinking of a lot of different names for our baby who is due this fall, including family names of our mothers and grandmothers but we don’t actually really like any of those names even though we’d love to honor them in some way and feel obligated to use some of the names, even if they’re just as middle names, particularly because it’s a family tradition to pass down these names. Any advice?
–Nameless (Brazil)
DEAR NAMELESS:
I do think one’s name is important energetically. It’s up to you and your wife to decide which is more important energetically—choosing a name that honors someone including someone that’s already passed or the inherent energy/meaning of a name. There are a lot of great websites you can google for the history and meaning of particular names for different countries. If you wish, choose a name that you love and that has a meaning you would be proud to call your child.
I understand the feeling of obligation to pass down a family name to your child. Perhaps one option is that you and your wife could create a family tree like my grandfather would make for all of us in the extended family. The family tree would have each person’s name and birth information. You can do one for the baby that includes extended family on both sides of the family, thus honoring Auntie Whatsmyname or any other predecessors, and give a copy to every member of the extended family, saying you started this tradition to honor all of the people in the family, including the ancestors that came before. And as your daughter grows older, you can work with her to keep the family tree updated, sending copies to the relatives at a later date and inviting them to join in online as a family project to keep the family tree current. Perhaps that will give permission to NOT use the family names for other relatives that may also wish they didn’t have to keep passing down certain names that they may not care for either.
15 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, asking for a raise, bank account, dali mama, getting a raise, prosperity, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
What are your suggestions for getting a raise? Energetically speaking, that is.
–Vying for a raise (United States)
DEAR VYING:
Other than the basics that I’m sure you know (working hard, showing initiative, making yourself essential and letting others know that you are, etc.), energetically, it is important to first practicing having the raise. Feel the raise in your body—what it feels like to put that increased check into your bank account, feeling the prosperity energetically, emotionally, mentally, physically, etc.
If you notice yourself feeling you need the raise or are desperate for the raise, that’s a sign you’re not really having the energy of your raise. Play with having this energy first as you go about doing all of the necessary things on the physical plane to ensure it happens. Then, when you have all of the energy of the raise and any other bounty of the universe already within you, go and ask for your raise equipped with knowledge on standard pay in your industry in your region, a list of what you’ve contributed to your department and your company, and anything that will support your receiving this raise.
14 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, facebook, high-school sweetheart, longing, marriage, painting, passion, reconnecting with an old flame, reconnecting with an old sweetheart, respect, romantic weekend, spiritual advice column, trust
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I am married and have been to a wonderful man for 20 years. I can’t help thinking about my high-school sweetheart from time to time, though. Sometimes I dream about him too. Should I contact my old sweetheart? I’ve seen him on my former classmates’ Facebook pages but have not friended him nor has he friended me.
–Longing for Someone from My Past (United States)
DEAR LONGING:
First, I would think about what you’re hoping to achieve by contacting your old high-school sweetheart. Are you hoping to rekindle things with him? Are you happy in your marriage? Do you love your husband? Are you willing to give him up for someone who may or may no longer be the person you used to know? And maybe he never even really was the person you thought he was. These are just a few of the questions to start with as you make your decision whether or not to contact him.
Also, I recommend your talking to your husband about this before contacting this man from your past. I’m a bit old-fashioned this way—trust in a marriage is sacred and is very difficult to rebuild once it is broken. Marriages may look completely different for each couple but trust and respect are keys foundations for every successful marriage no matter what type of marriage it is. If you don’t want to tell your husband you are contacting this man, is it because you have something to hide?
Just think about these different factors and notice what you notice. Sometimes we long for someone but what we’re really longing for is what that person symbolizes—the person you were when you knew him, the innocence or passion of your life at the time, or something else entirely.
You might want to start by examining this. If you’re longing for the passion or excitement of that time, how can you create it in your current life? Perhaps a romantic weekend with your husband playing with new positions or energies in a fresh environment. Or maybe a weekend oil-painting workshop if you’ve always loved art and longed to paint. Start by giving yourself whatever it is you feel you are missing in your life before trying to create it from anything external and just notice what happens.
If you feel something is missing in your relationship with your husband, give yourself that energy (for example, through classes, fun adventures, simple breaks in your routines, or a weekend on your own) and let it spread through all aspects of your life, including your marriage.
NOTE TO READERS: TODAY I DISCOVERED AWONDERFUL FEATURE ON WORDPRESS WHERE YOU CAN SCHEDULE YOUR PRE-WRITTEN BLOGS. SO NOW I CAN JUST DO THAT IN ADVANCE WHEN I’M GOING TO BE ON THE ROAD. I HAD WISHED SUCH A FEATURE EXISTED, AND VOILA! ISN’T THAT OFTEN THE CASE THAT WHAT WE SEEK IS RIGHT UNDER OUR NOSES? HA HA.
13 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, conversation, dali mama, dialogue, is it okay for a woman to make a move on a man, kissing, making a move on a guy, platonic friendship, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
I have been friends with this guy for years and I really like him. Do you think it’s okay for the girl to make a move on someone? Or how do I let him know that I’m interested in being more than friends if it’s not ok?
–Interested (Canada)
DEAR INTERESTED:
Well, I am not known for my subtlety in romantic situations but I’ll do my best to answer your question. Ha ha.
I believe it’s completely fine for whomever is interested (male or female) in someone who is available (male or female) to make the first move or to express interest.
Be aware that, since you’ve been friends a long time, it is possible that he may just think of you platonically. It is also possible he is interested but is either shy or believes you only think of him as a friend. It is also possible that although you both are just friends now, he might be open to exploring the possibility of something more with you if you open the door by either broaching the topic or doing something more demonstrative, perhaps a kiss on the mouth where you linger long enough to know if he’s into or not. If you kiss him, give him time and space to have whatever reaction he has. Either way, you’ll never know unless you go for it.
Me, I’d much rather go for something I want than to not go for it and wonder.
If he does not reciprocate your romantic feelings, you might feel a bit awkward briefly but this awkwardness will probably only last between you for as long as you hold any awkward feelings or embarrassment. If you let it go, so will he.
No matter his response, I congratulate you for the courage of expressing your feelings and going for what you want. For that, you should only be proud, no matter the outcome.
12 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, ask dali mama, dali mama, effort, ejaculation, female ejaculation, orgasm, orgasmic, perfect pictures, resistance, spiritual advice column
DEAR DALI MAMA:
Years ago, I had an ejaculation as a female. I have since been trying to replicate the experience but never could. What advice do you have so that I can do it again? It was out of this world and I want so badly to do it again.
–Trying (New Zealand)
DEAR TRYING:
The very act of trying to recreate a particular experience, whether it’s female ejaculation, a magical date, or a performance of a song you sang really well, creates a resistance that ultimately blocks the energy.
There are some great books about sex and female ejaculation. I recommend you read them and play on your own and with a partner and really be in the moment, enjoying whatever happens with no particular attachment to a specific outcome. Also, let go of any pictures of you have or how it has to happen or pictures of it needing to be “perfect.” That way, you open up the energy to have another wonderful orgasmic experience, whether you ejaculate or not.
Perhaps it can be even more amazing once you give it space and permission to unfold in whatever unique way it will happen next time.
Have fun with that. I am sure you will. Ha ha.
10 May 2014
by askdalimama
in Uncategorized
Tags: advice column, agreements, ask dali mama, cheating, dali mama, honesty, negotiating, negotiating agreements in a relationship, openness, spiritual advice column, what is cheating
DEAR DALI MAMA:
What constitutes cheating in a relationship? My girlfriend whom I’ve been dating for three years had coffee with an ex and kissed him, which I consider cheating. She thinks I am overreacting. What is your opinion?
–Not a Happy Camper (Canada)
DEAR NOT A HAPPY CAMPER:
Every couple must negotiate the rules of what is acceptable and not acceptable in their specific relationship. Did you know she was going to have coffee with her ex, or did they run into each other on the spur of the moment? Perhaps if she planned to have coffee with her ex, she should have let you know in advance. And as far as the kissing, was it a peck on the cheek, a quick kiss on the mouth, or more?
Every couple has different expectations and agreements. Some couples are even polyamorous, allowing each other to have sex with others with the consent and knowledge of their partner. But for any couple, the main issue is trust and respect.
Ideally, the couple should discuss up front what is acceptable and unacceptable and make agreements with each other accordingly and no one should ever deceive their partner or keep them in the dark.
It sounds like perhaps your girlfriend was up front with you in letting you know she kissed her ex (unless you found out some other way). That being said, if your relationship has been solid and enjoyable in most ways, think about whether you want to give up all of that because of one kiss.
This is a good opportunity for the two of you to sit down and discuss what your expectations are of each other and to set guidelines for what you each consider acceptable or unacceptable behavior, and to make agreements on how the two of you us will move forward in the future.
Perhaps this is a good opportunity to also think about where the two of us are going as a couple as well if you both wish to move forward.
Wishing both of you whatever is for your highest good.
Previous Older Entries Next Newer Entries
Ask Dali Mama 
Recent Comments